So my sister was doing some bad things, I knew about it. My sister trusted me with the secret. I didn't say anything... for months. This lie weighing on my chest, I just tried to forget about it. To just ignore it, pretend it didn't exist. But I know better then most that those things don't work. You can't just forget.

So late last night I was trying to go to sleep, but I couldn't. It was around 11 pm, then my sister (knowing I was awake)told me something. One of her friends told her that he was sad, and was considering killing himself. She told me, and mind you she was not supposed to be on the phone. But she called him up.

The kid was drink and smoking when she facetimed him. They talked, they sounded like they were having a good time. But, when my sister came out of the closet where she was calling him she looked worried. She went to bed and started crying softly. I asked her what was wrong and she told me some bad things.

I layed there for another half an hour, I heard my parents go upstairs to go to bed. I went to the restroom next to my bedroom and sat on the floor. I knew what I had to do. I had to talk to my parents about what was happened. For her sake, and for the kids sake. I knew my sister would get in huge trouble over this. I knew she would hate me for it. Our relationship was already tense, now i have to make a hard choice. One that will effect me and her relationship drastically.

I chose what i thought was right, I told my parents what I had heard. What was going on. What needed to be done. I gave them as much details as I could, which albeit wasn't much.

You see, I live on a big house where everything echos. You can be whispering and someone may hear you. This is especially the case with my parents bedroom. Which is where I told them everything. So when my dad told me to go to bed, that they would settle everything in the morning. I didn't notice my sister on the floor. I actually thought that she was the laundry bin, because it was dark and they way she was sitting made her like it. She startle me by saying that she hated me, that I had betrayed her trust. Asking me why I told them. Then saying that she wanted my dad.

I got my dad for her and went to the couch to sleep. It was late and my dad and sister were arguing a bunch. My sister was hysterical. My dad was trying to be patient and listening but was failing. I was laying there on the couch with a stuffed animal trying to drown it all out. My sister eventually went to bed and so did my parents.

i woke up this morning. My sister was still asleep so went onto here to start drawing. I hoped she would stay asleep for as long as possible. She woke up eventually, she glared down at me from the bunkbed. (we share a room). So all today she has been chastising me, hurting me. saying terrible things about me. Not like she didn't do that before, but this was my=uch worse then usuall.

Imagine having to share a room with someone who's the exact opposite of you. Imagine living with someone who body shames you everyday. Who insults you everyday. Who says she hates you everyday. Who makes you hurt so bad that you just feel numb. Make you feel nothing except your sanity slowly dripping down the drain. A person you have to live with EVERYDAY, who makes you feel so sad. It hurts. I have had to endure this for years now. My parents try to help but my sister won't listen. It's going to be a while until I get my own room, at least a few months.

So for now I have to live with someone who hates me enough to probably kill me. To make me want to get away. I often set up my own perfect world and stay with it. Getting lost in music, shows video games, anything to get me away from the painful reality of my life.

But I just have to keep on smiling. That's the only thing that's keeping me sane, happy enough to thrive. Is the smile that I want to give to people when their sad. I can;t be sad I tell myself. That's not allowed. So i drown out the pain with jokes and smiles. So no one knows. No one knows the pain. You just have to keep on smiling, smiling and smiling. Jeep the hurt deep inside of you, don't let it out. Suffer silently. I have been doing this since I was 10. Four years of hurt and pain. Of drowning out the sorrow. Of hoping. Of hurting. Of trying to make the best of the time I have here. I want it to end. I want to be remembered for the smile I gave, and not for being sad all the time.

Don't follow my lead though. While I may hide my pain, I regret ever thinking of doing that. Now I'm in to deep and I can't get out. Once you've started it's too late. Theres no turning back. You aren't allowed to be sad anymore.

Thank you for listening, whoever actually reads to the end of this.