Untitled
32 comments
Karizma[OP]
22.12.2023 19:53
LinkI wish none of that ever happened. I was too young to know, i just wanted to make him happy. I did whatever he wanted, I said whatever he wanted, I pretended, I smiled, I s3xualized myself for his affection, for his love
Karizma[OP]
22.12.2023 19:54
LinkI'm perminantly scarred by his name carved onto my left thigh. I cant get it off no matter what I do. It wont heal.
Karizma[OP]
22.12.2023 19:55
LinkI am hypersexual because of this. Because of that horrifying trauma that I cannot stop. I've been improving, but I find myself s3xualizing my very being in order for someone to tell me I did a good job, or I was worth living.
Karizma[OP]
22.12.2023 19:56
LinkAlchen. I hate you. I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you. I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you. I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you.
Karizma[OP]
22.12.2023 19:58
LinkTo that girl. I wont forget what you said, you assumed that I was lying for attention with my SH and SA and being groomed. What is your problem? Are you serious? I dont even care if you see this anymore. I dont care if HE sees this anymore, i dont care
Karizma[OP]
22.12.2023 19:59
LinkI hope you die. All of you. I hope you all f-cking die. My dad. My caretaker, Alchen, A, all of you. I hope you die a horrible, firey painful death. I cant take this shit anymore.
Karizma[OP]
22.12.2023 20:00
LinkI want to bang on my f-cking walls and scream as loud as i can. I cant do this. I'm not going through this again.
Karizma[OP]
22.12.2023 20:01
LinkI am not a good person. No matter what all of you on here think. I am not good. I am not nice. I am not kind. I am not "SiLLY!!!!". I hate this. I hate this site, I hate my father, I hate E, I hate everything.
Karizma[OP]
22.12.2023 20:02
LinkIts like a mask I use to make myself feel better about how stupid I am, but it's not working. Nothing is working.
Karizma[OP]
22.12.2023 20:02
LinkThis is ****ing torture.
Karizma[OP]
22.12.2023 20:03
LinkI'm not as frantic as last night. Not as insane that I felt. it felt like that wasn't me. Like that was someone/something else taking over my body and controling what I did. That happens a lot and I wish it didn't.
i personally have never experienced this, so i cant tell you i understand because i really dont, and im sorry about that. i think i do understand, though, how helpless it can feel. knowing that it was wrong NOW, and that theres nothing you can do because its already done. its like torture, and im sorry about your scar because i know how much it hurts to be reminded of those things. I cant do very much, but i want you to know that im right here. im here for you and you can talk to me if you need to, even if i might not know you very well yet.
like i said, i don’t know what youve done or been through. im not you. i have no say. im so so sorry if im misunderstanding, but what happened to you doesnt make you “bad”. absolutely NOTHING was your fault, and you cannot say thats the case because it was not. you were vulnerable and you didnt know at the time, and you cannot blame yourself for it. not now, not then, not later, not ever. nobody is perfect, but i know for a FACT that there is some good in you, whether you know it or not, and i care about you.
you will never be a burden for being a living, breathing creature and having needs. having support is not something to be ashamed of. youre only human.
before going and saying youre a terrible person, ask yourself these things.
do you feel bad about the things you did? if so, youre not bad. bad people dont feel guilty about the bad things they did, thats the truth. you are not bad.
while its not an excuse, clearly you recognize this, were you going through a hard time then too? as unfortunate as it is, people get snappy when theyre upset.
i understand why you could feel that way. it hurts when people do things like that, and you can quickly lose your temper and mess up. i get that. while what you did was wrong, it wasnt right what she did either and it clearly really hurt you.
you cant control how you feel. her being in pain might feel like shes getting what she deserves for hurting you, and thats normal too. its like revenge. you feel like a bad person for wanting her to hurt like you hurted, but this is really your anger telling you that somethings wrong. you were probably trying to defend yourself
well what im saying is that its okay to be angry and to feel hurt. many have hurt you and you shouldnt condemn yourself for reacting to it.
What he did to you is far above repulsive and horrendous. You never deserved to be forced into something like that. I can't say how exactly you feel because I couldn't know, but I do know that you've been through so much pain that you never deserved. You shouldn't have had to suffer so early in your life. Nothing that happened was truly your fault, you didn't know it was wrong and you don't deserve to be criticized for that. You're still an amazing person despite everything you go through, and the fact that you're able to even share trauma like this is amazing. It means your far stronger than before and you refuse to let others control your emotions or your mind no matter what. No one is allowed to judge you because you decide to share your feelings. If they do, they're wrong to say anything, it makes them less human because everyone feels pain and its not the job of anyone else to say that their issues are worse than another's. No one can or should force you to do anything like be happy for their sake-
-even if you know you aren't. There's no rush on your mental and physical health , even if society demands that you pull yourself together, you're only allowed to heal at your own pace , no matter how long it takes and no matter how little the steps made are. Remember that your life is yours to live and your mind is yours to maintain. Its no one's else to control and take care of but yours