I want him to see that this isnt making me happy That's what he wants, right ? He wants me to be happy Let me quit Band is. It is NOT making me feel good

It's making me compare myself to others in not good ways Whenever I mess up theres a voice that says "**** you, you are a god damn failure." In my head I dont want it there Before band camp it wasnt there I felt good

Oh god, and then school starts back in 2 weeks No no I cant go back, I m going to die htheree

I'll make a fool of myself there I dont know where to go, or the people, or anything I'll get lost and people will laugh at me and I'll feel stupid and I'll just be upset like last year Funny how once summer came I started to feel awesome about myself Because when school isnt here my dad isnt calling me a ****ing idiot, a ****ing embarrassment God I feel horrible I just want to sleep for a few years