to others if no one but one person listens to me. I feel alone all the time, Im so clingy. Desperate to talk to someone every second that I breath and when I dont I begin to spiral and I ****ing hate it. Maybe because Ive always been brushed off, always wanting to be heard. I want to be the center of attention sometimes yet I dont want to be an attention seeker. I want to cut people out of my friends lives so its just me yet that's cruel, I wouldn't want to do that. And I won't but feel like this is horrible.I want to be the reason someones hurt and I hate it. I hate thet im like this. I feel depressed all the time, and struggle to get out of bed everyday. I rarely ever leave my room. I hate this. I hate it here so much. I want to cry but I hate crying so much. No matter how many times people tell me its good to cry, I hate it. It makes me feel weak an pathetic. And for me often makes me feel worse rather than better. Im thankful for my friend, the greatest person I've ever met and wish I had met him sooner.

But that's ok, even if were miles apart now, one day we can hang out in person. But ****, I hate this feeling feeling tired, angry, sad, and more. I feel it all the time and it doesn't let me breath, voices are In my head telling my to do things I shouldn't, telling me to do horrible things. While I won't act on them, each day they grow louder, my minds never quiet, and if it were it never lasted long. Ever. And im tired of the constant screaming, my mom not listening, people constantly crossing boundaries. Im sick of it. I try my best to improve myself but its getting harder and harder to even do anything. Each day something is holding me back, keeping me captive, and not letting me live. Something stops me from doing things, from speaking my mind. Im scared all the time. Im so tired. Im weak. I just want to feel safe, secure. But I feel that it won't ever happen. Im a mess. Im so ****ing pathetic. I can be so much better yet look at me. An absolute piece of shit that's used up and broken, always thrown out

and left to rot till the next person comes along to pick me up, and do the same. Im loosing more and more trust with people. Im rotting physically and mentally. I can't take this anymore. The suicidal thoughts came back, the paranoia. all of it attack me everyday. I want to run away from people. Im so tired. Im exhausted and I can't take this anymore. Im going insane, and I just can't handle this anymore. Im scared. Im tired. I just want to feel safe and secure.

Im so tired.

I love all my friends dearly, but im so tired. If I hadn't made a promise. I dont think id be here anymore.

Loser lol, cry act it you'll ****ing live

dumbass boy... pow pow