Off topic but the reason im not talking to anyone Is because i have nothing to say Im not in the right mindset to talk to people Im not Im not. I cant be ok all the time im sorry I cant

I just physically cant find anything to say I dont want to be boring or repetitive so i just Dont “Oh but I don’t mindi-“ But i do- even if you dont i still feel horrific for not being a good enough conversation for you Im sorry i cant be everything and do everything all the time Im sorry I’ve been living up to a stupid ****ing standard of stretching myself thin over every single person i talk to that suddenly When im exhausted and have other things to do Im a terrible person?? The urge to say “ium sorry for having a ****ing life” is overwhelming i just I cant be rude?? Im I just Im Physically Ill Jesus ****ing christ

Though Really I didnt think id have to Explain this But i dont Believe in The whole “You’re my best friend I’m gonna pay more attention to you and/or treat you better then my other friends!” Thing,, It’s- dumb to me “Oh you’re my ex im gonna treat you better/pay more attention to you because of that!” Still nope “You’re my partne-“ no-? Sure im probably gonna talk to you a bit more and be way more affectionate- but no one i talk to has more priority then others?? I don’t- believe in that kind of thing? I guess i should but i dont. Just because i will genuinely feel like horseshit if i give one person more attention then another person So,, take that as you will i guess <3 Is that Weird? I feel like thats weird-? I cant,, change how this part of my brain works-?? Im sorry? I just Can’t Give one person more attention then another Im sorry

Also if im the last person to say something in a text i just feel weird texting you first if its been a few days or smth and you haven’t said anything waa

I know that-? But it doesn’t stop it fr4om being sickening to not try to talk to everyone i can manage to