What the hell gives anyone else the right to say “please don’t kill your self” but yourself Why do I have to feel like the asshole for trying to give myself a final ****ing relief Why am I a horrible person when I feel like hurting myself You have absolutely NOTHING to do with it “I’m sorry I hope you feel better” doesn’t ****in cut it, if you want to help just shut the **** up. It’s better I think no one cares rather than think everyone pities me but not enough to truly care. There’s no wonder why I feel like I’m being used all the time- it’s the same conversation every single time. “Hi hru?” “Not good” “sorry bout that hope u feel better!” “Thanks” “Anyway I…”.blah blah blah blah blah **** me for being tired of it though right? **** me for getting sick of it when I say “we already had this conversation weren’t you listening?” **** me for being so god damn entitled that I say shut the hell up to your pity

I’ve tried bawling my eyes out for help I’ve tried to get past it be tried to move on Nothing is working- SO **** ME IF I WANT TO KILL MYSELF! I’m sorry okay? Sorry you became friends with me I’m sorry I tried everything I could to impress you I’m sorry I pushed myself to help you even when I wasn’t ready I’m sorry that I ****ing cry when you tell me that you can’t stand being around someone so goddamn draining Someone so sad Someone so ****ing pathetic This whole positive “I’m here if you need me!” Act is just that. An act. I’m tired of it The world is a horrible horrible place and I don’t understand why I have to feel so horribly selfish trying to leave it behind

I hate you and myself I’m so goddamn tired of helping everybody else when I clearly haven’t even made it a foot out of the hole yet I’m so tired of this I should’ve never had told anybody I should’ve just done it I wanted so desperately to be saved though I let the fantasy cloud my head

You’re not being fair No one is If you really want to leave me behind just do it all at once Stop prolonging the pain- it makes me sick If I’m really draining If I’m really not what you wanted If I’m really as annoying as I think I am Please just let me die Let me kill myself without feeling guilty It’s not fair to make me keep this up It’s not fair that I have to deal with this shit at home, go to school and say “this happened but it’s chill ig” I can’t tell anyone I want to kill myself because they’ll either worry too much about it or they’ll report me But that’s just it I WANT TO KILL MYSELF That doesn’t necessarily mean I will I’m too scared I’m a coward I’m stuck though and I’m about to just completely ****ing shut down again I just want it to stop

The bottom line is I’m isolated at this point There’s nothing I can do but wait it out

I can either accept that no one’s coming to save me Or drag on this daydream until I go insane or something

I’m so sorry