I don't deserve this and I cannot do what is right but I have to say something because it'll only hurt more later but immediately saying something is one hell of a ****ing slap to the face Jesus Christ I'm awful! 😇 I still feel the same but logic and other thoughts are pulling me a different way

I can't do this I can't do this It's worse if I keep it up purely because it makes me happy but I can't I really can't I'm too broken and absolute shit at this kinda thing even if I really want it even if I really care even if I love I still just can't I just can't I'm so sorry I'm awful why did I get ahead of myself I shouldn't have done that

I can't do anything What the **** lmfao I can't stay and I can't keep going and I can't stop it I can't do anything so what do I do What now I wish I wasn't so awful and stupid I wish I could just shut up and stop I wish I could restrain myself for once I wish I had the ****ing control over myself to just take a step back and listen to myself and actually realise what I should and shouldn't do It's not heroic to do what makes us both happy if it's just going to end awfully and I know it will because I'm there

I wish I could just behave for once I'm screaming at myself to do so constantly but I always have to be some ****ing psychopathic little freak and **** shit up for no reason Just be happy or don't it's that simple

Why is my brain so broken I wish it just worked normally like everyone else seems to Even the other people who act like me at least have some restraint I don't I'm just downright awful and it isn't even funny or quirky or unique or cool or whatever the **** I decide to dress it up as on the basis I'm just horrific Dear ****ing god I'm so sorry