Literally my ****ing fault and i dont deserve the forgiveness i want so bad

Jesus **** i am crying and screaming at myself. Is there anything else i can do but ****ing whine at shit i caused? No because i am too fuvking stupid to do anything else

No matter how much i tell myself that I love myself and that I am a good person i cant mean any of it after doing this shit. I hate myself, and that is how it should be

Why do i always **** things up for me the thing i tell myself all the time is literally just "I hate you so much all you do it ruin my life" and i tell that to myself because i hope that someday it will help me not **** up

No im just mad at myself- i am just venting rn about myself

Im not mad at the reaction i just feel like shit for what I said

Im taking it serious because it was something serious that i shouldnt have said

That is the tging, it happens all the time and i am sick of it. I am sick of myself

And all these dumb things i do they just make me so frustrated with myself

I caused you to want to find a different other parent because I ****ed up bad enough for you to say that you are done

You said you were looking for a new wife because i said something bad and if you are looking for a new one that means you dont want me anymore and that you are done

I dont know i dont want to argue when i'm crying so give me a second

I dont know i didnt take my prozac today- my moods are all messed up

Plus, you seemed pretty mad at me and i didnt know that you would joke then

Uh- idk this is all still my fault even if a lot of the blame can be on me not taking my antidepressants- You can do that if you want but i think i am gonna play animal crossing or draw to calm down and get back in a good mood-

I dont want to end up starting anything while in this mood on accident

Im sorry i probably am overreacting but i wont be able to actually notice it right now. I hope you forgive me for being a pain in the ass and taking things pretty far

I dont want you to be lonely- i am just scared that I will do something else and end up making you hate me again

Okay- I guess that it will make you upset to see me go So I will stay

I didnt expect you to care that much but since you do i wont leave

You're on right??

Uh-

I hope you come back soon- i dont want to end up falling asleep...

Oh-