damn tz cant you see im on a date like seriously bro you can see the romcoms and the mayor shipping us hard if i watch one more serendipity rip off i swear i will become a romcom. like im about to get down on one knee and propose to karkat as the credits roll he starts to cry and you and john pop out of those bushes and clap fade to white the sequel will have us going through a divorce cause we got into a dispute over whether we should have children or like some other trivial thing but we get back together and tz is the lawyer who divorces us but you come back to our second wedding and youre all mad cuz it was a lot of work to divorce us john is my best man again and we have another bachelor party but he forgets to plan it so we go out on the town to go bowling or some shit until jade sets up something quick thats the funny b plot and rose is out with kanaya doing a separate bachelor party for karkat and its just like a book club or like some fancy banquet but then kanaya sees that karkat is su

per uncomfortable with the banquet and they run away from his own party leaving all the guests alone there and its a huge laugh moment and then karkat and kanaya are trying to find out where to go cuz rose is still stalling for time trying to get them to stay in their seats with some sort of speech so they go to the bowling alley im at but luckily jade just finished decorating so we walk past each other in a hurry not noticing each other and the audience collectively shits themselves. and back at the concert hall roxy is trying to fit a cake jade made through the door cuz its too big dirk is the officiant and hes trying to get everything together, and hes trying to teach everyone their roles jakes like trying to teach the mayor to be the ring bearer but the mayor is having trouble and its ****ing adorable meanwhile johns salamander kid casey or something is the flower girl and shes out here like doing a choreographed dance that jake taught her while dirk freaks out over the cake the cake still has

-nt gone through the door but then back at johns house where the bachelor party is jade is waiting by the door when she hears a knock at the door she opens it up and its you terezi and you clock her in the face and run away cuz you dont want me and karkat to get married so you run away but then me and john show up and see jade on the ground and were like oh shit so we go on a chase cuz jade passed out and were trying to find the culprit so john carries jade to her bed and is like 'jade whats wrong who did this???' and then jades says 'she doesnt want davekat to be canon... its... t...' and then she fully passes out and johns freaking the **** out cuz hes worried that theyre gonna show up at our wedding and punch me and karkat in the face so he calls kanaya and then everybody starts a search until i run into karkat and hes like 'who did it?!??!' or something equally dramatic and i say 'babe we may not have tomorrow but we sure as hell have today' and then i kiss him next to a fountain and then it

-cuts to kanaya and rose and then terezi shows up and kanaya says 'do you feel better' and then youre like 'yeah' and then the screen fades to white and the audience stands up and they all clap and throw boquets at the movie screen so i jump out from behind and i say 'shut the **** up the movies still going' and then it fades into the next scene where we get married and then kanaya throws the bouquet into the crowd and jade catches it and then terezi you kiss her on the cheek and it all ends in a giant dance party. so then the entire cast jumps through the screen tearing it apart and i say 'this was my magnum opus thank you for coming to see it' 'please clean up your seats from all the shit you got on it' and i win an oscar for best director and the mayor wins an oscar for the best actor and tz you win an oscar for the set design that shit was so damn colorful and i go on to make more masterpieces but i never forget about my hubby and my bros i die at the age of 5954 when i stab myself while onsta

ge for a scene and die heroically because i changed cinema forever and that scene set a precedent

keep crying the audience loves it use your disappointment to feed my creation

nah hes gone all thats left is me and my sweet sweet creation you know you like it tz youve always wanted to be a divorce lawyer right idfk most of the time we spent together you were screaming about stuffed dragons did you ever divorce the stuffed dragons like 'berryblast and ****face you are now officially single' and then you take the rings off their tails or some shit who cares but its always been your dream