Ughhh, okay so: My birthday is in December. In December I will be a teenager. The thing is, those sentences upset me to the point where my breathing speeds up, I start to cry, and I feel sick. I have hated getting older for years and years, but it's not about getting old, getting sick, and dying. It's more this awful mix of anxiety and grief, like I'm losing something. Most kids would be excited about turning 13, but I feel scared. I don't want to be a teenager, to reach another stage in life, to feel like I have to grow up, and leave things behind. I hate being told I'm too old for stuff, and it feels like on that day, I will be to old for anything I like. Like I have to leave my childhood behind so much sooner that I want too. I always liked being in the younger group at school, or in camp, and I don't know why. I don't want to have to grow up, I'm not ready for the future, I don't know what I want to be, but I do know I don't want to be older. It's so hard to explain. I don't know. It kinda feels l