whenever i stop acting childish im just boring and i dont know how to talk it sucks because i cant even make friends at all if im just "me"

maybe i act childish because i have a need for attention or to escape nothing really makes me happy anymore

I know I'm super self-centered. I don't like when people talk to me just for advice. But I like feeling like I did something good for someone so that I can be praised for being there for them or so that they can tell me I'm doing good. I need the validation, or else I would probably go crazy. My parents said that if I got good grades, they would celebrate since I used to not care about my grades, but once I did, they didn't care. All they did was tell me I wasn't doing enough, and I wanted to be enough.

i want to say i can be by myself but the thought of being alone scares me i dont know what i would do without someone watching me making sure i dont do anything bad even though i want that i cant help but push everyone away cause i dont wanna be someone that another person could love im scared of commitment if i was ever in any romantic situation i would probably ghost them yet i wanna be loved but i dont wanna show it back at all

im not someone anyone could truly love

GFGBNKBFB wow why did I say that