i know the solution and answer to both of those problems. there is nothing wrong with you. absolutely nothing at all. I can't imagine what you're going through to have the courage and pain to post about this on fa. you should be proud of yourself for reaching out for help. and you should exist, and be glad you do. while you may endure terrible suffering through it, life is a beautiful gift and when its gone, its gone. you are born to live out your life and die. play your part and play it happily. And what you should do... Is keep doing this. Keep asking for help when you need it. People on here will always be here for you.