So I drew a heart, I guess its just the most fitting. I already hate it tho, I hate how it looks and what it stands for and this entire post but, I am already here writing and if someone saw this already then they already know that I dont feel well and deleting it would make them think its worse than it is.

I think thats my problem, I keep everything that bothers me on the inside because people have there own problems and they shouldn't have to deal with mine.

I do help others with their problems which honestly isn't helping. I don't ever believe complements I get mostly because I feel like they are lieing. It hurts much more to call me something nice than it does for someone to call me something mean. I can believe that you really do think mean things about me because I do to.

I am always able to come up with some reason someone would do or say something nice to me. Well, always until now. I met a person last night and they called me things like Sweet and Kind. I didn't know how to respond because I couldn't come up with a reason why they would be lieing.

I could always think " Oh they are family so they said that "" They want something from me "" They are in love with me so they think higher of me " but, I couldn't do that here. I just met them and they already thought of me so well.

I dont want to disappoint them with who I really am. I dont want to do that to anyone. If they knew how I act in the real world, which apparently is "the only place where you can have friends." That still angers me. A technology teacher not understanding how people use the internet.

I should just stop. If I go any longer some future form of me will come back to read this and be crying just like current me.