they had completely valid reason to, im not mad at them or anything. i knew it was gonna happen eventually, i guess i just didn't expect it so soon, or so suddenly.

basically to sum it up, me and them were perfect aside from one thing. my BPD and their DID. we both love each other deeply, we really do. but i've become far too dependent on them. it started out fine, but it's gotten far worse with time. like usual. they couldn't handle all the stress n stuff that i caused them. we're both 2 mentally ill teens, not getting the proper help we need. with me increasingly becoming more dependent on them, quite literally beginning to spiral everytime they're NOT there (i mean i literally cut off my skin because of it and i almost literally stabbed my head too) it's become too much. which i understand entirely and i respect their decision. them with their DID also getting worse, it would've just made us both get worse. i really miss them, they were quite literally my everything. but it had to end because we'd just bring each other down more. we ended things on good terms, but we have a mutual agreement of no contact. it'll be hard on me for these next days, weeks even, but i'll-

-manage. i always do. im stuck in this cycle of fp after fp, there's not really anything i can do with my current living condition. i do miss them and i wish we could've stayed in contact, but it'd just hurt both of us. i still love them dearly and i gen hate being this way so much. i wonder if they still think about me the way i do of them.

tjank you, it means a lot. unfortunately, it won't really help. the only one who's been able to help at all was my bestie, because aside from my fp, they're also my favorite. im kinda scared they'll end up my fp. i don't wanna lose my best friend, too

it feels awful lmao. bpd is so shit i don't even wish it on my sister and i hate her with my life🙏 literally all my attempts were because of this it's literally the worst thing i've ever had to deal with, constant suffering with only one person being able to ease it, but then i become too dependent and spiral everytime they're gone for even a minute. the slightest thing making me wanna completely cut contact with them because it makes me feel like i never mattered to them, i can never rest, im always so paranoid and im always either feeling too much emotion to handle or i feel so empty like all emotion was ripped out of my body, i can never win, this shit isn't curable

I don't want it to be part of me, most therapists n stuff don't even want clients with bpd, it's so horribly demonized and most ppl who claim they can handle someone with bpd can't, it's too much for nearly everyone and it might literally be the death of me. im literally gonna be stuck like this for the rest of my life!!!!

no, and im way too paranoid for one as long as i live with mum

i mean i don't think so, but everyone else thinks otherwise when i tell them how i get bruised over small things and screamed at for everything, always being told how shitty i am by my family and how i basically never deserved anything

it's fine lmao. i've dealt with this stuff for years, i've always been fine. it's my bio dad that sucks, he tried to do a DIY abortion on me (attempted murder of ME) but he's gone now!!! my mum isn't bad, she just has bipolar disorder, so it's not her fault. im a shitty child anyways, i always cause issues soo

it's what i've grown up with, it's really all i've known. it's okay for me.

well i've been fine like this, it's difficult yeah, and now im like very mentally ill and literally a threat to myself, but i manage

im so careful (lie. i cannot function without my best friend now. i would literally kms if they left me too)

favorite person!!

why??/genq

the term fp is more of a bpd term than just a regular favorite person, they're the one im most dependent on and basically they're my source of everything, i feel pretty much nothing without them. just that chronic feeling of emptiness that i've had before them, it sucks but i'll be alrightt