Vent
14.10.2021
5 comments
Tokoyami-Is-A-Birb[OP]
14.10.2021 17:10
LinkWhy am I so sad?
I have so many things
i should be happy about but-
It's hard
It's so hard
Putting on a smile just to show you’re somewhat okay
Just so you can let others not have to worry
About how you are
I just wanna cry but i don't want to reveal all of those
dark feelings i'm insecure about
I just wanna be okay
I don't want to be scared anymore
About how people will think when i tell them how i feel
I wish i could be understood- not just by other people but by myself
I feel like when i look in my reflection i'm not even sure that it’s me
Like i have to convince myself every time
Because i feel like i'm not good enough
Like i'm never good enough
Even though i'm told
it’ll be okay- everything is fine- We’re here for you
I'm scared about how they really feel about me
Wow what a coward she is- she can't even talk to anyone about it
Look at her- she doesn't look like it but she’s falling apart
That's why i'm always searching for attention
and reassurement from others- it makes me fe
Tokoyami-Is-A-Birb[OP]
14.10.2021 17:10
Linkel...
less worried.
I'm scared to let people in because i don't want them to ruin me
I don't want to be hurt
But i also want to express myself so i can stop hurting
But when you are too scared to speak it’s just an endless circle
I hate being disappointing
Yet half the time i feel like such a disappointment
I want to show i can change
But i don't know how
I’ve been told i do know how
“Just do it. Just change.”
But it isn't that easy-
I never wanted to be this way
If i could change that easily i would’ve long ago
But I didn't have any choice.
I was hurt long before i was even able to understand right from wrong
And i know my past shouldn't be in the way of now
And i shouldn't continue being just a victim to the things that happened to me before
But when you’re too scared to be judged when you talk it’s hard to forget
Because i don't know how to do it on my own
But i keep being told that my past has nothing to do with today-
Why am I so stressed about it?
I get it. I get it that it should
Tokoyami-Is-A-Birb[OP]
14.10.2021 17:11
Linkn't be such a big deal now.
But it is. Everytime a certain thing happens that brings along a memory-
It causes stress.
Along with all the other things that are just piled on in one day-
It builds up. It overflows.
And sometimes I explode.
All the years of therapy i’ve been to
All the lectures i’ve had from my parents-
All the times people told me i was gonna be okay
I feel like none of it has helped.
And maybe that's a “me” problem.
Maybe I'm not open enough.
Maybe I don't listen.
Maybe I'm not ready to let go even though I should.
I'm only 17 years old and I feel like my life is a mess.
I haven't made any detailed plans for the future.
I feel like I just don't care anymore.
The only way i can express myself is through a computer screen
because i'm too damn scared of the real world-
And the small things that make me happy
aren’t enough to keep me happy for very long.
And the biggest thing is that I feel like I don't even know who I am.
Tokoyami-Is-A-Birb[OP]
14.10.2021 17:11
LinkI know I'm not alone.
But when your thoughts make you feel
like the only one who hears you is yourself
It gets lonely.
And i know this is a lot for one day
But when you never talk to anyone about how you feel
There’s a lot to be said.
Overall- I'm just sad lately.
And I wish I wasn't.
