Lisette but new design
34 comments
-foamq-[OP]
30.03.2020 09:03
Linkyall remember this post with this girl?
well now i have a better design and fanfiction.
its still bad tho so here you go, have part 1 of Larua
500 AD May 26th
In Compos Mentis Kingdom, is a small barren village called, “Latent Village”. It’s known for its many poor swains that work harder and harder everyday underneath the blazing sun. In that village lives a girl named, “Kanati Gyakutai”. She’s the typical peasant that you’d see work aimlessly, but her features exceed the average type of a dirty commoner. Up close, she is actually really pretty, like a dove in a pond. What's exceptionally pretty is her long white hair, that shines bright like a diamond, especially when she cleans it.
“Oi! Gyakutai! Get the buckets! You’re milking the cows this time! Get down here!” Yelled her mother, frustrated that she had to remind her again. Gyakutais mother was never very caring, especially since Gyakutais father left. But since they live in such a poor community, it’s normal to see abuse happening here. You can
-foamq-[OP]
30.03.2020 09:05
Linkhear children screams sometimes. “Coming!” The girl replied in a hurry. She didn’t want to get yelled at again for forgetting the milk. In a flash, Kanati grabs the buckets with a quick swipe and sprints to the barn, her dress swirling in the wind. Her mother sighs, “That brat is so useless..I always have to remind her..” She continues to mutter curses as she watches her daughter work. Gyakutai collapsed onto the pile of hay. “Haaah.. it’s so tiring to work…” She sighs. In the distance, a loud fanfare is announced in the middle of the village! Gyakutai immediately notices and wonders what’s going on? She forgets all about the rest of her chores and dashes off without her mother realizing she’s gone. Gyakutai pushes through the crowd to see what’s going on. A carriage proceeds through the crowd and the door opens to reveal a young man, with curved auburn hair, a dark purple and red tunic, laced with golden strands of ribbons and buttons, and yellow trousers ! Gyakutai just stares, intrigued by this fancy
Comment removed
-foamq-[OP]
30.03.2020 09:07
Linknewcomer. A soldier comes out to accompany the prince and announces, “The prince will choose somebody to be his servant. If you are chosen you must attend the Compos Mentis Castle by tomorrow afternoon! And don’t be late!” A wave of curious murmurs rise. A servant? To this guy? Who even is this guy? Gyakutai has never heard of this man once or Compos Mentis. Her mother has been very protective of her.
The mysterious prince stares at everyone with kind eyes. His presence makes Gyakutai warm, seriously, who is this guy? He observes Kaneti carefully, clearly interested. “What is your name, young one?” He asks his soft golden orbs looking at Gyakutais. She stammers, “Gyakutai. Kaneti Gyakutai.” “I ask you to be my servant.” He says with a velvet, soft voice. Oh god, his voice pierces her heart in a weird way. The prince goes back into the carriage followed by his soldier. The village looks over at Gyakutai, who is staring down at the muddy ground with confusion.Me? Why me? Suddenly, her mother grabs her by
-foamq-[OP]
30.03.2020 09:07
Linkthe shoulder and takes her back to her house, Gyakutai yelling and squirming in her strong grasp. Oh no..is she angry? As soon as they make it back to their small home, Gyakutai is immediately beaten and yelled at. “You are such a burden to deal with! Your father leaves, and now you too?! I won’t allow you to work for that awful prince!” Her mother screams, as she shouts more terrible things. She’s always been like this, bringing up the disappearance of her father whenever she got mad. The girl writhes in pain as her mother stomps away in anger. Gyakutai lays quietly on the thin rags she calls a bed. What is she to do?And where is Compos Mentis? If she tried to leave, she might get caught..but if she doesn’t..she will have to deal with this pain for a long period of time. She won’t stay sane if this continues! She might end up like her mother if this continues. The thought of that happening sends shivers down her spine. She definitely doesn’t want that to happen. Her eyebrows furrow, she has to get to that
-foamq-[OP]
30.03.2020 09:08
Linkcastle..no matter what! The next morning, she wakes up determined to think of a plan. But as she goes to eat breakfast, she suddenly stops in her tracks. She can’t go forward. She struggles, then it hits her like a punch. Something is attached to her leg! She looks down to see a rope, burning her fragile limb, tied to a wooden shaker peg. Gyakutais pupils reduce in size as she realizes she won’t be able to leave. She falls to the floor on her knees, making the tight rope pull on her skin. She can’t do anything now. She tried to yell for help, but obviously nobody came. There are no windows or a strand of light in her room. How is she going to get out? A few hours later, she wakes up to hear somebody yelling at the entrance of the house. She realizes this could be her chance to get help! She yells for help, and the footsteps get louder as they approach the opening to her room. A soldier appears, when they see her in this state they immediately cut the rope and escort her outside of her house, as her mother
-foamq-[OP]
30.03.2020 09:09
Linkdesperately tries to get her back. “Because you are late, you will have to work harder for the Prince.” The soldier says as he harshly pushes you into the carriage. When you fell inside, you saw the prince, staring down at you with worried eyes. “Are you okay?” He asks, lending you a hand as you get up. “Y-yeah..” You sit down in the carriage chair, it’s so soft...then you remember something. “Hey, why’d you pick me out of everyone?” You ask. He just smiles and says, “Because when I looked at you, your eyes showed a person of kindness and perseverance. I noticed the cuts and bruises on you as well, as you had a lot more wounds on yourself out of everyone in that village, speaking of which..do you get abused at home? Beaten or anything like that?” He asks. “I-I don’t know what that means..” You say, “There are many things I don’t know, sir, I’m sorry.” “Has anyone hurt you?” He explains. You look at him, so that’s what it means..”Yes..by my mother. Is it a bad thing?” You ask, as you look at him in confusion.
-foamq-[OP]
30.03.2020 09:10
LinkHe looks at you in more worry, “Yes. It is, and that is why I took you in. I had a feeling you were, I just needed to make sure. I don’t want my people to be more hurt than they already are.” Those words were so sweet, like sugar from Singing Hinny Bread, it made Gyakutai feel safe.
also instead of a trash japanese name that doesn't fit with the time period, her name is now Rache Vulnus.
-foamq-[OP]
30.03.2020 09:11
Linkand her hair is black now so uh
fooamq
10.04.2021 19:26
Linkbro wtf do you mean
"doesnt fit with the time period?????????"
500 AD May 26th
In the Compos Mentis Kingdom, is a small barren village called, “Latent Village”. It’s known for its poor conditions, and poor economy. In that village lives a girl named, “Kanati Gyakutai”. She’s a peasant that you’d see work aimlessly, but her features exceed the average type of a dirty commoner. Up close, she is unaturally nice looking. What's exceptionally nice is her long white hair.
“Oi! Gyakutai! Get the buckets! You’re milking the cows this time! Get down here!” Yelled her mother, frustrated that she had to remind her again. Gyakutais mother was never very loving on the outside, especially since Gyakutais father left. But since they live in such a poor community, it’s normal to see that happening here. You can
hear children get beat sometimes. “Coming!” The girl replied in a hurry. In a flash, Kanati grabs the buckets with a quick swipe and sprints to the barn, her dress swirling in the wind. Her mother sighs, “That brat is so useless..I always have to remind her..” She continues to mutter curses as she watches her daughter work. Gyakutai collapsed onto the pile of hay. “Haaah.. it’s so tiring to work…” She sighs. In the distance, a loud fanfare is announced in the middle of the village! Gyakutai immediately notices and wonders what’s going on? She forgets all about the rest of her chores and dashes off without her mother realizing she’s gone. Gyakutai pushes through the crowd to see what’s going on. A carriage proceeds through the crowd and the door opens to reveal a young man, with curved auburn hair, a dark purple and red tunic, laced with golden strands of ribbons and buttons, and yellow trousers! Gyakutai just stares, intrigued by this fancy outsider
. A soldier comes out to accompany the prince and announces, “The prince will choose somebody to be his servant. If you are chosen you must attend the Compos Mentis Castle by tomorrow afternoon! And don’t be late!” A wave of curious murmurs rise. A servant? To this guy? Who even is this guy? Gyakutai has never heard of this man once or Compos Mentis. Her mother has never wanted her to get involved with this kind of stuff. The mysterious prince stares at everyone with kind eyes. His presence makes Gyakutai warm, seriously, who is this guy? He observes Kaneti carefully, clearly interested. “What is your name, young one?” He asks his soft golden orbs looking at Gyakutais. She stammers, “Gyakutai. Kaneti Gyakutai.” “I ask you to be my servant.” He says with a velvet, soft voice. Oh god, his voice pierces her heart in a weird way. The prince goes back into the carriage followed by his soldier.
Suddenly, her mother grabs her by the shoulder and takes her back to her house, Gyakutai yelling and squirming in her strong grasp. As soon as they make it back to their small home, Gyakutai is immediately beaten and yelled at. “You are such a burden to deal with! Your father leaves, and now you too?! I won’t allow you to work for that awful prince!” Her mother screams. She’s always been like this, bringing up the disappearance of her father whenever she got mad. The girl writhes in pain as her mother stomps away in anger. Gyakutai lays quietly on the thin rags she calls a bed. What is she to do? If she tried to leave, she might get caught..but if she doesn’t..she will have to deal with this pain for a long time. She won’t stay sane if this continues. She might end up like her mother if it does. The thought of that happening sends shivers down her spine.
Her eyebrows furrow. The next morning, she wakes up determined to think of a plan. But as she goes to eat breakfast, she suddenly stops in her tracks. She can’t go forward. She struggles, then it hits her. Something is attached to her leg! She looks down to see a rope on her leg, tied to a wooden shaker peg. She tries her luck at using her hands as an escape, and attempts at untying the knots that hold her, but the rope is too big and scabs her fragile hands. Gyakutai decides that it's hopeless, and she decides to sleep this off. She suddenly wakes up to a loud bang at the door and yelling. Startled, her flight response makes her hide underneathe the rags she slept on. The lock to her door clicks and the door creaks. Gyakutai waits for whatever awaits her next and then
someone cuts the rope, when Gyakutai comes out of the rags to see who it is, it's revealed to be a soldier of the prince, who escorts her outside of her house, as her mother, held by two other soldiers, struggles in an attempt to get her daughter back. While walking to a carriage, the soldier speaks,“Because you are late, you will have to work harder for the Prince.” When you fell inside, you saw the prince, staring down at you with worried eyes. “Are you okay?” He asks, lending you a hand as you get up. “Y-yeah..” You sit down in the carriage chair. “Hey, why’d you pick me out of everyone?” You ask. He just smiles and says, “Because when I looked at you, your eyes showed a person of hardwork and perserverence.” He replies. “I see.” You return, still confused.
reevaluating this instead of doing my paper due by May 6th take accountability for yourself instead of procrastinating- WHOOPS MY fingers slipped and now I'm typing this
-Rache Vulnus, make up ethnicity? a hat in time does have species/creatures of their own, so to accommodate for their fictional map already, we'll make up her ethnicity group
-Compos Mentis Kingdom was made up in the moment I believe/need something to relate to the prince and princess Vanessa/formerly a normal climate with the avg. royalty theme/look back at vanessa entries
-Latent village, again we can decide this after we come up with changes for compos mentis kingdom. establishing class, lets keep them poor and give their general population demographic one of the same ethnicity? do we want classism and discrimination to be a theme?
-rache Vulnus, wouldnt it be funny to keep the 'pretty exterior?' I wish to remain nice to middle school me, so we'll express her subjective beauty as a theme of oppression in the force of vanity
-rache vulnus, we could also make it a theme of semblances of control, self care is often referred to as a magnet for attention-perhaps we could establish her character as somewhat uptight and demeaning of her fellow people? a lack of empathy for the other villagers due to classism?
-mother, idk how I went so hard writing the mother. it appears as though she isn't as villanized as Rache makes her out to be which is actually quite a fun trope to read about for me. perhaps she is aware of rache's tendency to follow in the steps of the filthy rich? does she not want her to become as corrupt as them and work so that she focuses on what's important (hey. I think this mother character is saying a lot that you could be following right now-SHhh.) values of maternity, life, and egalitarianism, simply expressed in the form of which she knows best--harsh work ethics. a life standard not wanted to be shared by her daughter though so there comes a beginning clash of ideas. preaching equality yet traditional
-prince, what we know of snatcher is that he is a tsun, overbearing, heartless being-this being caused of the hurt of princess Vanessa. we can then assume prior to this that he was far more trusting and well-natured. judging by his interests and lore, he seemed to be diligent in his studies and was involved in many fields, music (violin), law, business, and literature. as expected of an heir to his throne, however. his affection to princess Vanessa was undying and pure, but we already know vanessa's side was more damaging. perhaps we could establish his character as a blind privilege, unweighted by responsibility makes for a naive character, darknesses of the two neighboring kingdoms remain in the dark for the young heirs. (classism) HEY that could also attribute to vanessa's shifts towards queen too
-looking for new servants, I wonder why his kingdom is understaffed? why are they seeking out peasants? (easy labor, seeing as they are already well adapted to working and also exploitation of power ofc)
-looking for new servants, hey how about we go into the magical themes that surround subcon forest's past? where exactly did queen Vanessa get her ice powers from? darknesses of the kingdom? lets make this cringey. they weren't understaffed due to external factors, atleast not as directly as it would be caused by family stresses or faulty workers, no there were magical improvements to be made to their militia. an ironical divide between the peacefully ruled kingdoms and their internal fears of competition--militarism and colonism, the monarchs would do anything in their power to expand as an empire to ensure they have an upper hand. Vanessa's relationship with the prince was more like a subtle way of gaining intellect. and using the villagers as sources to feed their magic (idk how I should define this one. people with preserverence/will hold great opportunity? express as allegory for magical power? themes of the indomitable spirit?) magic sources being large crystals within the hearts of the kingdom
-looking for new servants, large crystals(allegories for divine, celestials? superstitions? lol inspired by king lear's gloucester for SUREE) in any case, being placed as a new staff for either of the kingdoms as a peasant would become a setting of enclosed hell. now we can get into the shifts that make Rache Vulnus - Rache vul. nar!
-isolation, abuse of power, torture, classism, manmade horrors yet to be seen by the young prince yet revealed to him soon enough, perhaps when he realizes it later, we can make the relationship dynamic betweenn Rachel vulnus and the prince originally trusting, then feelings of betrayal and a one-sided understanding due to the prince's blindness to the truth of his kingdom, then realization (<-- make it impactful in the way it wouldn't be detrimental to him once he is snatcher already. instead, make the realization give him a slow, crushing self-loathing and confusion for his reaction to it and self-evaluation themes that mend the relationship)
-isolation, Rache vulnus's vanity and pride prove to be of a great risk here and only makes it worse! under a system which puts everyone not of royal blood underneath them, everyone is equally worthless--so Rache is unable to pretend she is as dazzling as she would like to make herself be. instead treatment serves to break her physical attraction, and she'll begin to develop internal issues as she realizes the futility of her past actions and delves into themes of nihilism and learned helplessness. should we go a step further and even go into a vicious cycle of abuse? how horrible should I depict the kingdoms? I don't think there's a limit, let's define her journey a bit more and say that she'll eventually convince herself that she's taken a fondness to this hell as a coping mechanism. nihilism due to her realizations would create a sense of self punishment, in which she would feed this cycle of abuse by refusing to resist and forcing herself to allow this treatment until the kingdom is destroyed by Vanessa.
-more lore on Vanessa, lets not paint her as entirely the abuser. I think something people don't explore as much are the idea that the abusers arent inherently bad. we'll still stick to the themes of egalitarianism. the kingdom's clear corruption isn't entirely kept in the dark for some, and Vanessa was one that got glimpses of it even before she became queen when her mother died. lets include themes of motherhood, maternity and life too! perhaps feminist ideas? im not well knowledgable on the idea of gender in monarchy societies and politics, but i'd like to add in themes of the patriarchy and matriarchy. Vanessa's mother is similar to rache's mother (ACUALLY THIS IS KIDNA FIRE) in the way she hoped to define the life standards for Vanessa to be better from hers. we can say vanessa's mother had a life ruled under abuse by a patriarchal system, and lets attune vanessa's climb to power by making it so that vanessa's mother became queen by killing the king. destiny themes?
-more lore on vanessa, ofc I don't actually know how I should define the death of vanessa's mother that caused Vanessa to become queen yet.. I think it'd be important to focus on that later so I can better map out how I should approach the themes lol. ah and another connection regarding the two mothers could be that generational influence effect too. vanessa's mother would be controlling, aggressive in the ways she'd want to get her way all the time - an effect as a result of being pushed under an abusive system reserved for a specific group, right? this behavior would then be recieved by Vanessa, which is why she is possessive over the prince. this is where we get into a matriarchal setting because she would then repeat the abuse of the patriarchy that her mother was exposed to by abusing the prince. more specifically, attacking and using his traits as male to keep him to herself.
-vanessa and Rache vulnus, Vanessa is severely irrational when it comes to even the smallest decisions the prince makes (as seen in her diary entries in the mansion mission for a hat in time) so im sure if she heard about her prince choosing a female as a new servant would make her a bit insecure (approaching Rache vulnus and contributing to her special hell by demanding her treatment is worse. WAITTT could we do internalized misogyny too?) and, you know what, lets say the prince has been with Vanessa enough to subconsciously make decisions to keep her from being provoked. we can say the prince knows her enough to understand what gets Vanessa upset, and ofc he has priorities for his precious kingdom, so he makes attempts to hide the fact he has chosen a woman for a servant, but eventually Vanessa finds out. (hey hide and seek in the mansion allll over again hat kid.)
-vanessa and Rache vulnus, and Vanessa isn't necessarily concerned by the idea that the two could form affections for each other, no, I think she knows the prince is blindly devoted to her, but she wants complete control over him and simply having someone so lowly that could form attachments to him is a thought unpleasant for her.
-rache vulnus and the prince - Rache is going to detest him!! its clear in the drafts for this story that she isn't aware of the reason as to why her mother treats her the way she does, (apart from the fact I didn't consider that as a middle schooler) and she isn't going to see why the prince allows this treatment for her as well. I think due to the fact we will be making it so that her experiences throw her into a cycle and self-absorbed nihilism, it will take some time for her to rationalize the complexities of the situation. Rache vulnus will have a severely strong inner world due to her former demeanor towards her village and her self-loathing in the castle.
-rache vulnus and the prince, if I wanted to make her more considerate of the prince, I'd have to make her consider others as well, and that means introducing more characters, specifically as prisoners along with her and maybe friends before they were taken from the village?? what a web!! with the prince, as we've stated before their relationship will go from attempts to trust at the beginning (before Rache is exposed to what darks the kingdom has in store for her) to betrayal and one-sidedness (during rache's kingdom experiences) which means the prince will try to make efforts to get closer to rache despite not understanding what is really going on. i'd like to think he'll try to keep very friendly relations with his very reserved employees and wonder why they're all so hesitant to be around him. LOL I wonder if I could make it so that they all think he's mocking them by being so nice to them despite what they're going through. "who even is this guy?" dialogue right? (this is going to become a joke to me)
ok im taking a break so I can finally work on my paper
I've gotten into journaling recently after playing write a letter on Roblox, and after reading some good books assigned in my English classes this year, I'm really invested in the structuring and writing of stories!! I don't think i'll actually write, but to plan out these ideas and draw them is a motivating thought.... so that's why I wanted to do this today.. thanks to those that read and thank you vermin for reading
