How is my story going for you?
11 comments
NSFWshit[OP]
27.09.2021 11:44
LinkPlease tell me-
sobs
As myself have scizopherina.
Ima read it see if it's accurate. If its not then i will correct you
In honesty, it's a little too fast-paced and seems somewhat unrealistic how quickly Trip starts following what the voices say, especially since the things they're telling him to do are so horrific. Also that the principal isn't listening to a word that Trip is saying despite him suddenly having a violent change in behaviour, literally trying to murder someone and is trying to tell the principal that 'they' are telling him to do it. But I am enjoying it even with those little mistakes.
I'm so glad you're enjoying it even though the mistakes-
I agree with you and I think I should've made it a bit slower. It's true he followed the voices fairly quickly, I was rushing-
This is my first like, official story where I made more then a half written chapter. I'm gonna learn more and maybe soon I'll make an anim where it's the full story, every chapter cleaned up and fixed.
slow down and make things a little clearer i had to read them over again because i couldn't really understand
ok heres mine There was a samurai named Terukage who was sent out by his leader into the battle because of the major deaths.He volunteered to go but his family was worried he wouldn't come back.
Dad, will you come back? said his childrens
I will come back said Akai Terukage
I promise.
So he hopped on his horse and went on his journey,
But his horse was shot by an arrow in the chest.
What the- said Terukage with confusion
Terukage hopped off his poor horse
A shadow ran across the woods,
clank!! Terukage blocked the arrow with his Katana
*Sounds of whispers from the forest*
COME OUT shouted Terukage with anger
Terukage saw a comrade running in his direction
RUN FOR YOUR LIVES shouted Doi with more samurai’s running
And a few seconds later millions of arrows rained down
But Terukage blocked all of the arrows heading for him
The enemy is coming to your village said Iemitsu with a serious face
A few hours later.
Finally I'm here, where’d the commander go Saigō?
Go west said SaigĹŤ
Where will you go? Said Terukage
Somewhere peaceful… said Saigō
And he passed away.
So Terukage went west to do his mission to get revenge
On the enemy, A few hours passed and he suddenly got shot. His vision was blurry, but he ran into the Mongols and sliced their head off and slaughtered their horses. Terukage was full of anger, the only thing he saw was blood, he was drenched in blood a pile of dead Mongols he placed their heads on sticks and as he walked up the hill he stared at the moon.
I NEED TO GET OUT OF HERE!! Shouted Terukage
He ran down the hill and washed himself in the river suddenly he heard screaming from the nearby village
Terukage ran to the village as fast as possible and was shocked to find dead Mongols.
There weren’t any samurai’s here said Terukage
And then he heard a group of soldiers talking near a fire
But as Terukage got closer a russian warrior shouted behind him
What are you doing in Russian territory?
I am trying to find my way home said Terukage
Who are you talking to? Said one of the soldiers sitting by the fire
Umm... no one said the russian scout
Well why don’t you come sit by the fire with us? Said the other russian soldier
I’m a scout remember said the scout
I’m a scout and i always look around for enemy soldiers said one soldier mocking the scout
And the scout grabbed Terukages arm and ran to a river
You better watch out you could’ve been caught by my army said the scout
I don’t care said Terukage
(i'm not done yet)