Looking at my iamsober and on September 25 i almost relapsed but then someone was coming up the stairs so i got scared and since then nothing has gotten.better

I can hardly get out of bed these days and when my parents tell me to do a chore my first instinct is to start bashing my head into the wall or cut because i just cant do anything anymore i havent showered in a week or brushed my teeth in about a month everything is so tiring idk how much more i can take and im gonna get scolded by my choir teacher tomorrow for not going to uniform fitting eveeyrhting is so hard i just eant to cry

I went afk cuz my mom made me get up to clean the litter boxes so i did and then i went upstairs and told her i finished and she was like "did u bring the empty litter containers upstairs?" And i just closed my door im not ****ing doing that bro i dont wanna fo this anymore it hasnt been this bad in a long time

I dont know how much more i can take i have psats next week and shit and im failing classes and i have a math test on thursday and im trying so hard but everything is so difficult to understand everytime i enter school i have to put on a personality mask anf pretend im someone im not for 7 hours and my heart is racing the entire time and im on the verge of tears every single class because these retarded ass students wont stop talking over the teacher and it makes me so so so overwhelmed i just want to scream snd yell but im the good kid who is quiet and doesnt cause many problems so i keep everything inside and try to stay calm and then when i get home im so ****ing drained from masking and working so hard just to feel like a lazy shit i collapse on my bed but no im noy allowed to nap **** thay noise i cant take this anymore guys not gonna lie lukas doesnt have much longer 😳

I dont think im gonna make it past my 20s and thats being extremely optimistic

My friend was complaining like ughh my dad is so annoying i have to spend the week with him! And i was like oh what does he do? And she was like he sings my name so much and im.just like haha thats so annoying yeah my dad hit me when i forgot to turn off the lights anyeays i dont know ehat to do anynore because im.not getting better so if i just stop posting one day im sorry guys but idk

Nothing is fun anymore i dont draw or animate anymore and i dont play project sekai everyday like i used i dont even care that they added mezmerizer to en servers i dont even care tjat much that mizu5 is coming which means bakenohana everything feels so pointless and i just sit in bed all day the most i do is talk on discord to my friends which makes me a little happy but it goes away quickly and im.just like wow yeah i really want o killmsyelf