The same problem just can't get out of your head i see... It's hard to forget your pain, but if you can't wipe it out from your memory, there's no other choice but to try and ignore it. Your bad thoughts shouldn't take over you, if somebody's using you, you should treat them like that and show them what it feels like. You don't have to wear the fake smile everyday if you try hard enough. It takes quite a while but you'll get there. I believe in you.