I feel so ****ed up mentally and emotionally already, and now physically, I'm not eating anything without wanting to throw everything up, and band makes me want to ****ing die. Not being able to do any of the stuff they do makes me feel worthless. I cant play for shit, I suck at the physical movements, and I'm just going to be a disappointment

Not that that's any different than usual. Everyone knows I cant do shit without screwing everything up. It's just a simple fact. If I throw myself into something I enjoyed once something is gonna happen to make me not enjoy it anymore, and then I'll fūck up and make everyone upset.

Its hopeless. I'm not sure theres much anyone can do to help me. I'm feeling overwhelmed, I've had terrible mood swings that have nothing to do with normal female body things, I've had awful urges to just hit people in the face so they can just shut the **** up for 2 seconds. In the halls there are so many people and it scares me. I hate that. So many people and they touch me and I cant avoid it.