Trauma, especially abuse or manipulation, affects people in all different ways. Some feel empathy and miss their manipulator. Often times those people miss them, this could be for a number of reasons. You remember the "good times" Abuse typically doesn’t happen right away in a relationship, and it tends to escalate over time as an abusive partner becomes more controlling. You may remember the beginning of the relationship when your partner was charming and thoughtful. You may see good qualities in your partner; they might be a great friend to others, or maybe they contribute to their community. It’s not shameful to love someone for who they could be, or for the person they led you to believe they were. After hurtful or destructive behavior reaches a peak, there may be periods of “calm” in your relationship when your partner makes apologies and promises that the abuse will never happen again.

Your partner has experienced their own trauma Abusive partners are human beings who are complex, like everyone else. They may be dealing with their own traumas, past or present. As their partner, you care about them, and maybe you hoped you could help or “fix” them. But whether they’re dealing with a mental illness, addiction or an abusive childhood, there is NO excuse for them to abuse their partner in the present. Abuse is always a choice and is never okay. The truth is, even though you love your partner, you can’t “fix” another person. It’s up to them to get help addressing their own trauma and their abusive behavior.

Love can be a survival technique For many victims, feelings of love for an abusive partner can also be a survival technique. It is very difficult for a non-abusive person to understand how someone they love, and who claims to love them, could harm or mistreat them. To cope, they detach from their pain or terror by subconsciously beginning to see things from the abusive partner’s view. This process can intensify when an abusive partner uses gaslighting techniques to control or manipulate their partner. The victim begins to agree with the abuser, and certain aspects of the victim’s own personality and perspective fade over time. By doing this, the victim learns how to “appease” the abusive partner, which may temporarily keep them from being hurt. The need to survive may be compounded if a victim depends on their abusive partner financially, physically or in some other way.

"Sometimes when you been hurt once to many times you, you start to be okay with people treating you like shit. Because sometimes pain is all we know so we think it's normal and we accept it." "Because that's just human nature. I think subconsciously we find pleasure in pain, including heart-broken type of pain. It could also be our ego that tells us that this person will love you eventually --so it's more to prove a point. It could also be a confidence-issue. When you're dependent on someone and they hurt you, you don't feel worthy enough so you keep coming back to this person that you know will stay with you" "Someone who has made such a deep emotional impact on us is hard to let go of. We might want answers, or a reason for the anguish this person put us through. Until You come to terms with yourself about a person that has wronged you, .... that person may constantly be on your mind."

It's easy to forgive someone when the manipulator/abuser when you used to care so deeply for them. You know who I'm talking about, and you know who you are Neoma. saying "nobody will love you when they know you still care for _____" is not true and not okay?? I was already so ashamed of that, and that really didn't help anything. I can't just choose to not care for them. That's like saying "open your ****ing skull and rewire your brain" Trauma goes deeper than what we can control

feel free to send this to anyone who thinks shitty things And if you're the person receiving this then hopefully you learned something Sources: https://www.7cups.com/qa-breakups-21/why-do-we-tend-to-keep-wanting-to-go-back-to-the-person-who-has-hurt-us-the-most-4775/ https://www.loveisrespect.org/resources/why-do-i-love-my-abuser/ https://my experience lmao