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39 comments
DopazTopaz
30.01.2018 19:31
LinkBecause people want you to, I guess.
Listen, when i was a baby. My mother didn't care for me. I was taken away in court. She didn't have custody of me anymore. I lived with my dad. 12 years later, (2018) My mother is trying to get me to live with her. Shes narcissistic. I have 2 other brothers. When i was in the womb of my mother, i've been told she has done drugs while i was in the womb. I blame that for my bad eye-sight. She would visit everyone now and then, and sometimes we'd drive to random men's houses when i was very young. I didn't know what would be going on, so me and my brother just stayed in the room we were put in. One day, my grandmother had to kick my mother out of the house. She found her drunk in the pool with two men, while me and my brother were in our cribs crying, unfed, unchanged. Gross. I have very bad anxiety, and i'm hurt easily. When i try to explain to people my feelings, they dont understand. My friends recently left me and kicked me form their friend group that i was in for about 4 years of my life.
Fine. I let the fact that nothing matters, that nothing has a reason, get to me. People bring me down by complimenting me. I feel like all my friends hate me. Behind my back. I'm afraid to stand up for myself. I make jokes about my depression. I can't get out of my bed sometimes. Sometimes I ask my dad if I can stay home, but he always says "I get it, but you don't want the stress of missing work getting to you" Which, yeah its a nice thing to say, but sometimes i just dont want to go. Sometimes I want to acctually sleep. I stay awake every single night, thinking of what would happen if i was gone, and how many ways I could kill myself. I'm tired every day, I fall asleep in class every day. Its the same every day. It hurts to stay alive. I'm not afraid to die anymore. I'm afraid to stay alive
You know what? I do get it, because that’s exactly how I was a couple years ago. So I know that if you stay alive, life does get better, you can find a reason or something, anything that matters to you and live for it. It will take work, and maybe a few years. But I swear if you even try a little bit, even if you do nothing at all, you and your life can be great
Please stay alive if you can, life will eventually get better! People die, sometimes you get rejected and things can seem hopeless, but you can't let that ruin everything and bring you down. You have to just push through it to get to the better things in life, you'll have more long time friends and you will find true love someday, you just have to wait and try to make the best of everything.