@dad I’m sorry I can’t be the happy child you wanted. I’d try, but trying requires effort, and in order to it effort into something you need to have energy. I don’t have that energy. I don’t have the strength to put on a joker smile around you every day and pretend I’m content with myself and what has happened in my life. You tell me to just get over it and live in the moment, but I simply can’t. I rarely let anyone get close to me, out of fear of them hurting me. My mom literally told me she doesn’t want me in her life anymore. And no kind of distraction is big enough for me to ignore that. I can’t just get over a rejection of that magnitude in a matter of a month, or even a year! I just can’t. You tell me that if I care about others and selflessly serve people, I’ll be happy, but I’m not. My entire life I’ve been putting on smiles and trying to get people to like me, to return love back and get it never worked. I’ve been serving others and look where it’s gotten me now. I just want to focus on