i just had intrusive thoughts about my mom dying and i dont ever want her to die because i love her so much and she does so much for me and i cherish every moment i have with her but it never feels like enough and i never want her to go or leave me all by myself because i need her to guide me through my entire journey here on life like its gonna help im just so scared by the thought of her dying if she ever goes before i do, share my legacy i love my momma

i hope i go before my parents do

it never helps that i have anxiety, and re-occurring dreams of my parents dying it also never helps that my brother had a seizure 29 days ago im just so scared

i wish i could go back to 2020, where it all began and that i could bring my online sister with me too

im sorry guys im sorry that i vent a lot

for however long my mom, dad or brother lives, that's how long i'll live. to my brother, i'm sorry for being an annoying little sister that bugs you all the time to play games with me. to my father, i'm sorry i'm not the same little girl that went outside and played hide and seek with you, pretending to be a gnome anytime you caught me. to my mom, i'm sorry for being an annoying brat most of the time i get angry. i'm sorry that i have anger issues, and i'm sorry i'm not the perfect daughter. i love when we play, i love when we swim, and i cherish every moment we have together. i love you so much, you're the perfect mother. to my online sister, i'm sorry if i'm ever annoying or bug you in any way. i care deeply for you, and i'm sorry for pushing all of my pressure onto you when i ask to vent.

thank you