im scared im scared im scared im scared im scared im scared im scared im scared im scared im scared im scared im scared im scared im scared im scared im scared im scared im scared im scared im scared im scared im scared im scared im scared im scared im scared im scared im scare

Ok so we're three days into the week two days of those Ive stayed in bed at home andtheother I had an anxiety attack in class and cried ok MAYBE Im not being dramatic and stupid and something IS wrong with me huh

TW TW SUICIDE So I thought I was doing ok but I just went through a whole mental scenario of my friends lying to me and leaving me behind when we're suposed to leave following with my bffs situation getting worse ...and me commiting suicide. Its been more detailed and prepared than.. well, ever Even in my fantasies where I die I dont usually kill myself just like that so thats fun

I dont know why I keep doing this, I know it isnt therapy and either noone is reading this or Im causing some of you to read all this awful shit But I just, I feel that if I leave a written record itll help me get it out and look back and see how Im really doing cause lord knows Ill just say ''nah Ive always been ok'' as soon as my brain blocks it and it needs to be publicly cause otherwise it feels like dying so yeah. Ill figure out a better way for this tho