okay so trigger warning for pedophilia, child grooming, and trauma

Orion (the person with green and black hair) was 21 at the time we met, and I was 12. I was in a friend group, and Orion joined the friend group. everyone was either 12-13, so someone being 21 was odd, but nobody thought anything of it.

Orion had a history of being blamed for targetting and having sexual roleplays about children. Of course, these were "proved" to be wrong so everybody ignored it. Ocasionally my mom would point out how it was odd for an adult to be around children. Again, I ignored it. Orion was my friend, right?

a few months had passed, Orion was short tempered and often yelled at me for being "annoying" and "not doing what they said". I felt guilty, and changed my behavior.

this all happened on roblox, by the way. orion made some games, and was fairly popular among some groups. i felt so lucky to be their friend. months passed, itd been around 3 months since i met them. one day, i just had a normal conversation with one of my friends. or, so i thought.

they told me that Orion had been banned from groups for being a pedophile. My whole world seemed to drop. I went to the bathroom and started to cry. Why would they do this? Did they have sexual fantasies about my friends, or even me? I wanted to throw up and crawl out of my skin, my best friend- my sister figure- a pedophile.

i got over it for a month or so, and then in December all the built emotions just caught up to me. It was pure pain, I was crying every night. Why couldn't I get over them? Trauma was just natural disasters, abuse, and that kind of stuff.. right? I talked to my psychologist, and they confirmed that it was trauma. There was a lot of denial, I told myself that I was overreacting; that I was attention seeking.

eventually, I came to accept it. I'm still working to recover, and there's been many ups and downs. But that's a part of recovering from anything. Trauma is how it affects the person, not the event itself. You are valid, and you are not your struggles. There is help available, Praise Be.

yeahhhh

I'm sorry about that, but it does get better. There'll be better days.

We can get through this together 🪱🪱🪱

damn the worm emoji didnt load........

goodnight, sleep well !