Like omg I’m so happy for you!! I’m not I’m incredibly jealous I’m jealous that your parents like you enough to include you I’m jealous that your parents know what makes you happy and what you wanted Pookie our messages literally look like this “Look what I got for Christmas omg I’m so happy” “cool” “they knew exactly what I wanted I can’t wait to use this” “cool” Does it sound like I care I’m trying so hard to not to blow up in your face

I just tore down all my art from my wall and it felt like nothing because that’s what it is It’s nothing I have a week left to decide if this is really a life worth living I mean It doesn’t have to stop there I can do it anytime But an end of year evaluation makes sense And then after that I can decide what day I’ll do it. I’m happy for you I’m happy your family loves you I’m happy they make an effort to include you But excuse me If I feel a bit ****in jealous that I don’t get any of that. They know your clothing size, what style you like, what bands you’re interested in, what hobbies you have Good for you I’m happy Just leave me the **** alone

It’s been about four years since I’ve actually ever used the stuff my grandparents get from me It’s just crayons and stuff like that I usually just give them to whatever teachers need them My parents were talking about taking my sister and brother shopping just because Yk No other reason Not me though I don’t deserve it or something lmao And they want me to share the gift card I won from a CONTEST. The one I WON. lmao

I’ll never get out of this Even if I leave the house The same train of thought will eat me up Killing myself is genuinely inevitable No matter what my mind will always return to “what about ME?”

What’s the point in venting this out lmao bye