am feeling suuuuupa weird still but :) am gonna be ok bmaybe! i feel sick though......

guys i had an eoisode i think it was an episod ebecausd at school i watched the play that the drama club did it was really just amazing itwas called abigail for now and the girl named abigail thought she was an alien and she didnt belong on planet earth and there was a guy playing the character named austin he was cute af but anyways i was relaly loving it until the "aliens" finally came to bring abigail back and it wasnt real but abigail thought it was real and she. jumped out of the window. presumably dying. falling to death. she was so happy to finally go back to what she believed she was from. she was so eager. she jumped out the window happily. the play just ended there. i was goijng to cry but i didnt. by the way for context abigail is in a rehab facility with other kids and its like group therapy. i kind of related to austin and abigail i dont know the other ones name. austin tried to kill himself and the other guy always felt like he cant stay okay or feel like he is happy for a long time because-

he expirienced a lot of shifts in mentallity he also had depression.

its an amazing play . the school actually made it to the semi finals i hope they win so bad because honestly the quality was so good. everyone did so so well.

i had front row seats with my friend. so seeing that last part very close was. really not good. i kind of relate to abigail because i often feel like i am not meant to be on earth or at least a human. i often have delusional episodes because it feels so real. and fiction feels more real than reality to me. i feel like only animals can understand me. i have a large connection with animals. it is why i like bugs so much. i just wish i didnt get triggered by hthat. i thought i would be okay but i think . i think i am too immature to watch serious things because i get upset very easily.

i often feel like i am new to this world , like im still discovering and trying to understand, i feel mentally small at times. i feel like i am young. im scared to go to a hospital to get help i feel like i am capable of figuring this out by myself and making myself better and it worked a bit but. i dont know. i dont think i want to feel this way. maybe i am not human i dont know at all. i will choose to believe that for now until i have another episode. it is more comforting to feel normal here

im sorry if i worry others. i feel scared to go to a hospital. i want to pretend i am normal until i am finally normal. i dont want to meet other people like me. i need to do well in school and hold a job this summer so i do not have time for it anyways. i think i have been doing ok lately. maybe this is just a small step backwards .

i am sorry if i sound weird or embarrassing, i just want people to know whats going on, if it helps. i know people will never understand me but theres nothing i can do about it. i love you all very much❤ i apologize for what happened earlier. im still not feeling too well and i think i need to distract myself more by working on some art or writing for my characters. i hope everyone is doing well and remember to take care of yourself❤ it is very important

what the f dve. i thought you changed.

......... another liar... I CANT TAKE IT! ....ill show them all.....

youll regret this...

hm?

oh it was so so good bro i watched it during school in my math period and all the people who didnt have a ticket had to do math work LMAOOOOO (it was a substitute teacher)

no it wasnt a musical :3 it was a one act play meaning it lasted for around 40 minutes and when it ended there was 2 minutes until the end of the day bell rang....

theatre is so cool!!!!!!!!!!

FOR REAL. i have participated in musicals and plays but im not very good at acting i think. i get to scared to be passionate about it even though thats what youre supposed to do

HEHEHAHAHAH thats so silyl,,,

im sorry u had to deal with that. i appreciate your kindness it made me feel really happy