Lmt
20 comments
-Arcadia-[OP]
16.08.2020 00:42
Link-Arcadia-[OP]
16.08.2020 00:45
LinkSo,, I'm working on one of my stories and one area sounds really wonk to me
Diego raced through the thick fence wood, his hood flowing in the midnight breeze. He scrambled over a large log, already winded. His legs wobbled unsteadily beneath him, the echoing howls neared from behind him.
H e l p I hate how it sounds-
oKaYE
this world is full supernatural creatures, mostly mutated humans-
there three main characters uh-
I fEeL nERDY bUt uM-
just like- uH- I'm trying to figure out how to word this-
the three end up traveling to an alternate universe and shit which would be like our world, just humans and animals
and shit they try to stick in and theres a lil corruption that happens to be coming from another universitys and shit and they meet a boy, Lark
who ends up joining the lil group from keeping this 'corruption' shit from killing off the humans and spreading to another dimension--
shit now I feel nerdy
Diego raced over each of the tall, wood beams that build each fence, his hood flowing in the cold midnight breeze as He scrambled over a large log; already winded. His legs wobbled unsteadily beneath him, the echoing howls neared from behind him getting closer by the moment.
(Hmmm... I think I just added detail and words I thought fit in lmao, but if this sounds any better to you then uh- hurray ;v;)
Hmm, can you explain the parts that you think sound bad? Is it the way it's worded or...?
okay so, does a hood flow? maybe flap would do instead.
also, this isnt about wording but i tell my friends this all the time: how is the character feeling? its always good to add in emotions after actions that may affect how the reader feels. is the character scared? are they in a hurry? also, you could add more description like, "his heart beat wildly as he felt his legs slipping beneath him". It's always good to give deeper descriptions that could be abstract too. Well, uh, that's all i can help with cause im a beginner writer and yeah, sorry. Hope that helped though.