parts:

1: Explaining my depression to my mother: a conversation Mom, my depression is a shapeshifter One day it's as small as a firefly in the palm of a bear The next it's the bear On those days I play dead until the bear leaves me alone I call the bad days "the Dark Days" 2: Mom says, "try lighting candles" But when I see a candle, I see the flesh of a church The flicker of a flame Sparks of a memory younger than noon I am standing beside her open casket It is the moment I learn every person I ever come to know will someday die 3: Besides Mom, I'm not afraid of the dark, perhaps that's part of the problem Mom says, "I thought the problem was that you can't get out of bed" I can't, anxiety holds me a hostage inside of my house, inside of my head 4: Mom says, "Where did anxiety come from?" Anxiety is the cousin visiting from out of town that depression felt obligated to invite to the party Mom, I am the party, only I am a party I don't want to be at

4: Mom says, "Why don't you try going to actual parties, see your friends" Sure I make plans, I make plans but I don't want to go I make plans because I know I should want to go; I know sometimes I would have wanted to go It's just not that fun having fun when you don't want to have fun, Mom 5: You see, Mom, each night Insomnia sweeps me up in his arms, dips me in the kitchen in the small glow of the stove-light Insomnia has this romantic way of making the moon feel like perfect company Mom says, "Try counting sheep" But my mind can only count reasons to stay awake 6: So I go for walks, but my stuttering kneecaps clank like silver spoons held in strong arms with loose wrists They ring in my ears like clumsy church bells, reminding me I am sleepwalking on an ocean of happiness that I cannot baptize myself in

7: Mom says, "Happy is a decision" But my happy is as hollow as a pin pricked egg My happy is a high fever that will break Mom says, I am so good at making something out of nothing and then flat out asks me if I am afraid of dying No Mom I am afraid of living Mom I am lonely 8: I think I learned that when Dad left how to turn the anger into lonely the lonely into busy So when I say I've been super busy lately I mean I've been falling asleep watching SportsCenter on the couch To avoid confronting the empty side of my bed But my depression always drags me back to my bed 9: Until my bones are the forgotten fossils of a skeleton sunken city My mouth a boneyard of teeth broken from biting down on themselves The hollow auditorium of my chest swoons with echoes of a heartbeat

10: But I am just a careless tourist here I will never truly know everywhere I have been Mom still doesn't understand Mom, can't you see That neither can I

i have 7, dont try taking it.

parts taken:

4(1), 8,

6, 10,

yours!

do you want both? youd just have to make 2 different anims

theyre yours!