Not fun

My dad got back with her Im sick like yeah fever Im showing signs of an ed again i cant take my anti depressants anymore Ive isolated myself again My dysphoria is top of the charts I cant ****ing take my birth control so my hormones ate just GSGHDGHGHB ADDING MORE STRESS I HAVE NO FORM OF ESCAPEISM Im hallucinating again I miss 80s a lot I cant go to therpay anymore I cant get a proper restraining order I dont feel safe I feel so alone Starting to realise how much i dont feel welcone arpund people I feel used and betrayed and MY BROTHER SOLD ME OFF AGAIN Myy mom and my realtionships is falling again I have no one to count on not even myself My personality is changing so fast im scared I FINNALLY HAD A GRIP AND THEN THE FLOOR FALLS FROM UNDER ME Im back in sh Everyonce of myconfidence os fake I want to know who outed me I miss someine but i dont know who I KEEP HAVING NIGHTMARES AND I CANT GET RID OF THEM I WANT MY CAT LIKE RIGHT NOW AND MY DOG PLEASE JUST AN OUNCe of somet

real i dont care i just need to feel something new She wont stop watching me I want my mom to understand I cant work on my practice anymore I cant draw i cant sing I cant ****ing read IM SO FRUSTRATED AND CONFUSED my mood swings wont stop my emotions are switching so fast i cant tell what im even feeling most of the time Its like im in a dark room ful l of mist thats slowly getting thicker and drowning me Stop ****ing watching me i swear to good if her eyes are on me any more i will explode like a bomb Im not a slut what did i do wrong i dont know why everyone keeps implying i am My legs could be a ****ing bare code but theyre not you act like im not here i cant feel like.im some charaecter for you to mess around wihpth If i talk its just noise no one cares only speak when you are spoken to Its like the two personalities i knew i had COLLIDED TOGETHER I dont fuxking know who i am

this is too much for me but imsuch a coward i cant do anything about it i cant even try anymore i cant ****ing continue on trying to kill myself Wanting to but to scared to do it I hate thisni hate myself i jateit all so much but its loke im addicted to it