Why do i feel this way

I just want to be held I want to be told that I'm doing good That everything's gonna be fine I don't know if that's ever going to happen And I'm scared about that I'm scared of being alone. I don't want to be alone But with the way things are looking, I'm doomed to be alone sooner or later I just hope it doesn't come as soon as I think it's coming Nothings helping and I swear with each passing day I get closer to relapsing. I'm getting more stressed by the week but I don't know how to tell anyone. The people who claim to be my family would make fun of me, or tell me I'm crazy, or just ignore me. I'm so ****ing tired. Even more so, I'm tired of being tired. I feel sick all the time and I've barely been able to eat. I feel on the verge of a mental breakdown everytime I'm conscious. I feel like everyone is against me, or everyone hates me. Even those close to me. I'm ****ing sick of it.

Why am I like this Why the absolute HELL do people deal with me How do they deal with me Nothing I do is ever?? Good enough? Why do they want to call themselves my friends I don't understand

I really don't understand