anyway the more part is account rules idk IMAO dont say anything on my account that swears thats it just dont i dont want this website to get banned on my chromebook

also dont comment on this chain lmao ty

im angry that i dont even have a total of three people for this contest i really wanted this to not flop but it did IMAOOOOO anyway if you wanna join its still open because god i really want people to join

oh my godd shut up honestly i dont even know why i made this account

or atleast dont know what else to do with it

i hate this so im gonna remake it

ugh tf is wrong with the head

i question alot of the things that have gained a lot of attention on my old accounts

so I'll be turning 18 in a few months, but I've been looking forward to publicly posting nsfw content(not here.) perhaps 3 or 2 months after I turn 18 it's been a bit of a personal dream of mine to be so good at drawing that satisfactory sketches can be done in about 2 hours, or perhaps only an hour! I practice a ton with sfw sketches and I can make some really good stuff but I've always wanted to make similar content with nsfw to me nsfw isn't really worth the same effort as sfw because the effects produced can be created fairly easily in my opinion, and in the first place, I'm not looking to cater to please as much as it is all self indulgence to explore that which I can't truly emphasize with I stopped actively calling myself asexual, but it still pertains to me in the way nsfw content is something I study than consume out of fascination since a lot of my former interests in using it has died down since highschool started I love art so much and can be inspired by things very easily

so seeing strong art principles in nsfw art makes me want to explore that myself ultimately, I just see nsfw art as the same as sfw art because I aim only to take from it for my own skills It'd be interesting if I could somehow recreate a feeling of intimacy as well--which I feel is way more complicated due to my troubles with gestures and life drawing I've contemplated animating nsfw too but that's honestly too much trouble? A lot goes into directing and storyboarding to create something pretty substantial in terms of nsfw? It's just tedious to me, so I'd rather just draw it But that's it, I'm thinking of opening an nsfw art to post stuff there 2-3 months after I turn 18 I'm not looking to share the account now, but I wanted to get this off my chest

Please don't comment on this thread Sorry for deleting your comment

Compared my skin shading style from today to like a skin redraw I made in 2021 that was a redraw of one I did in 2019 and wow remember to study ambient occlusion that stuff is sooo cool for this heavy values style

I wanna continue writing about rache/snatcher but I feel like it'd be better on the literal account I made for it the only problem is that I cant recall the password for the account..

Tips for writing include readings the things u wanna write like and things u don't to do what I assume is define differences and build on understanding of those differences I was inspired by the passion and personality of brutal_vap, they reminded me of the idea that most geniuses of history were struggling mentally But brutal_vap and friends of mine study and read up on many things

And can use those things for their hobbies, brutal_vap uses their research and takes what interests them to apply to their writing I read notes from underground, king lear, the metamorphosis, such generrrrric classics but also things like oyasumi punpun, kkhta, or saori sato I have much more to read What I have to do is figure out what things I've read that I want to and don't want to apply to my work

Ideologies I'm interested in include buddhism, christianity, judaism the generic stuff and I still haven't researched enough really Religion would be something to explore but I haven't done enough Mythology would be also be good to get back into, allusions to mythology can be used well just like how divine comedy used those for hell

sleep deprivation/crying makes for good aegyo sal though that may be a crude sentiment to make obviously.

I drew something amazing today, I can't wait to show everyone it I just have to draw a cool post for it because I have a good idea for the intro post

Progress log 04/06/25 - 04/24/25: 1 minute and 40 seconds storyboarding done Anniversary gifts and school hindered a little bit but I think I can make it to the end of May with storyboard revisions done and notations along with confirmations on audio Writing story alongside to post when I finish the animation but it'll only be "act I" and I'm almost done revising and finishing that Theme change: death is the same as life

I GOT MY ART PRINTED FOR THE ART SHOW AND MY OWN DISPLAY CASE AT MY SCHOOL!!!!!!!!!!!

Happy national deer day

Progress log: 05/09/25: 3 minutes and 16 seconds of storyboarding done, will work on fleshing out the concepts for the extra things added and will expand on literary devices It's been super busy, but the art show was really fun!! And school has been really busy.. and birthdays and stuff.. super busy, but I'm doing stuff!!

graduating from high school tomorrow I actually finish storyboarding for the chosen one a few days ago, but I wanted to celebrate by animating on flipaclip and I'm finding it hard to get back into that when FLIPANIM feels so much more versatile im making a new illust of Semele from destiny child, its looking so amazing and the colors I've tested with are looking so interesting but im drawing an awful lot when I should be getting used to flipaclip again so lets lock in

Graduated

18th birthday so fun Ty to everyone I miss my bf

July is when I'll start publicly posting all those drawings Gonna talk a lot about it with my bf before I commit to this Honestly I just wanna get close to my favorite artists nsfw artists have been my highest references since like middle school, I have a lot of fanart to make for my favorite games and future ones too

I'm so dogcrap at anatomy though I'm bringing my figure drawing book with me when I go to the philippines I gotta practice anyway if I want to submit a good portfolio for a college with animation in it or something

still have yet to work on the two cuts assigned for today for TCO currently almost 2 am, so while i wait on my phone to charge i might start up on another civilization summary vid by whatifalthist because I believed I've fleshed out enough for varunas/fisher

tonight I wanted to dress up in my coord, but its hot as hell summer jirai fits are such importance because even during the three other seasons, those can be used I think even with my falling out of taking cold showers I can still handle the cold just fine, its just less than it was before also with my new laptop I can probably start playing actual visual novels/rpgmaker games I've been meaning to start confessed to my siblings I'd open my nsfw account in 2 months, but ofc (and I just realized I forgot to talk to bf about it, quick reminder to do so) I think I've decided against sharing it publicly entirely that makes a lot more sense than just abandoning accounts

alright, focus on pastel (might change that name? might keep it for authenticity and respect to old ocs) notes on her so far: -shopkeeper -motherhood against unforgiving nature (sentience with anthropomorphicism or something of the like) -cant really afford to be kind, there's no such thing as a charity in the forest lol -display some moments of vulnerability to the user, relationship remains formal as I don't really the overall characters to develop positively (lilac might be the only one with a more elevated ending considering the contrasting, lighthearted introspectiveness of her humanity) -black hounds vs. fox (might depend. I want to look into the middle east this time.)

rather than islamic religion, it may make more sense for pastel to be more correlated to Celtic/Slavic/or west European Folklores this is only really based on design choice though, perhaps I could tie in the very religion = power based ties of islamic culture? in general, Europe and the middle east dont really have a good relationship, and the west is only sort of like a mirror to the middle east because of the closer similarities they share in their religions I believe and even then, the ideologies shared in either one don't really align with pastel ill figure out a way to implement this information though, but it may have to just be absorbed for now Chromebook is at low battery too tho so I could only get to around 20 minutes of the 40 min video

k summary we got west euro fox (red fox. idk because I already have a red panda oc that LOOKS like a red fox/cat I might have to settle for just a brown fox), like some kind of reincarnated Hindu god in the form of a fisherman, and the diwata of the forest that's a bald nutcase

the broken script is cool, I rly like the idea of a group of friends in a game all eventually deteriorating because of forces outside of their hands that force just making it happen because they felt like it lol so cool like lord x and his endless boredom and silly fanaticism with sonic but broken script is cool because its meant to convey this with clueless kids that just wanted to have fun, it definitely feels more weighty because a lot of people know or understand what playing in a group is like there's a ton of that nostalgic factor one thing I'm biased about is still the way the mod operates they can do a good job at subtle horror, but there are some entities that make it a little too blatant this is just my personal preference for slow horror though lol watching a video on minecraft psx felt like a good example of minecraft horror done well because everything was subtle, creating a growing sense of unease while not too much of anything tho that midnight lurker additions to the nether was kinda

lack of eating messing with me

https://ibb.co/Pv8zpYnn gagana (गगन)

https://ibb.co/Wpp9JBkk and when i came to, i found nothing and i am not forever

onxye nzxzu's humanity before godhood is probably going to be riddled in the filipino experience of colonial mentality and internalized racism as a reflection of parts of the history and the culture after the 400 or so years of colonization Katalista <- I'd probably have to look back into hate groups and read a bunch of right wing extremist manifestos, I only ever really watched this long video on a list of those groups but when it came to reading those long long documents, I never got down to it because I didn't really want to but for the sake of building onzye's character, I really want to know the sort of mindset to form this malice, and then figure out a background to rationalize it, not glorify, but contextualize pre colonization, the Philippines was only a group of many islands known as barangays, where respective tribes and nations would rule over and communicate with each other. I feel knowing before hand, the collective groups had no fusion of an identity authentic to the one forced upon us now ca

n act as a sort of blueprint for its belief? also, apart from having their godhood so embedded in cannibalism, it wont just be because of the cree influence, in fact, I actually wouldn't want it to be a reason to create its surroundings regarding gluttony I want to jumpstart it with the general poverty of PH, as once katalista leaves its family or something, I want it to go down in a spiraling sense as a result of its pursuit for power to go beyond the means of living and beyond mere people includes overcoming the lives of the savage as well, but not in the sense that you can fight against mindless behavior, but that you fully welcome it and still retain yourself -- is what I believe it will form and fall down into as for lilac, definitely Africans and include some other form of group.. lilac's downfall is only because of the racism present in onxye nzxzu and its childishness, as I believe it would view Africans as especially inferior due to their literal beginning as the ones to build humanity, yet

being enslaved once their lives brought way to a simply different race of peoples it couldn't be viewed as a strength to it because onzye nzxzu sees things in such a black and white view it practically suffocates between the drastic contrasts. I need to look further into disabilities to portray lilac in a way I want I loved flowers for algernon, i wanted to reference it in my AP essay, but my teacher said it was too easy to understand I suppose, but still seriously one of my favorite depictions of disabled peoples and lives under disabilities, along with adah from the poisonwood bible lilac is undeniably one of the more gentler characters, I want to make her story one of human introspectiveness like adah's, but I still want to use her relationships to others like varuna and pastel and the one exploring to showcase how her disability changes her life the way she obtains it is no different than any other, and so is the way her life changes human compassion is a definite, depicted through the caring surre

surrender of varunas and the innate motherhood of pastel, and so is her own through the way she remains herself in the face of vanity lilacs behavior shifting towards hunting would be one where I'd want to explore eating disorders and bodily horror, I was told I'm nearing underweight again and I've been eating pretty poorly so I feel like this would be necessary for myself and lilac lilac struggles to eat, most things appear bland or her appetite simply doesnt come up, but after being forced under the curse of onxye and being permanently disabled mentally and physically, she suddenly shifts to wanting to hunt to eat something or anything of course I could tie this in with onxye's motif regarding gluttony, its a staple of its cult and its background, so we could say it has simply been passed down onto lilac, and as a result, contrasts her eating disorder into one of a voracious appetite and overeating Im not sure how I'd want to depict lilac internally.. flowers for algernon had a very shifting perspective

but poisonwood bible had adah with a very strong intelligence and hemiplegia the thing is, both of such cases held physical and mental disabilities, so I'm not sure what I'd want for lilac for one, the choice I'm making by immediately shifting her behavior to one towards more hunter-gathering behavior is going to be sensitive to work with I believe I can neutralize the present idea of "people with disabilities are violent and savage/irrational etc. etc." by showcasing a more complex side to lilac with her relationship in nature, as she still retains much of her gentleness with her garden and flowers. her behavior is one with her now, and in most cases, don't we all indirectly kill to survive? I didn't rly care about the vegan morality exploration thing, but I'd love to explore it now for lilac it is a relative act of survival, and lilac is still so good to Varuna and pastel, even to the one exploring and SOMEHOW to onzye nzxzu too. she is indefinitely sweet, and she survives differently

Pretty and cute romance animes are a lifesaverr, I haven't been this motivated to animate something like this since my kyoani obsession so long ago

Finally watched one episode of frieren Made me think about sculpting my characters a bit, they lack the nuance of charm on their own (pros and cons, I have their flaws, but most of them are broad, not as down to earth as I'd like then to be I want a lightheartedness to their heavy characteristics) Kimuli - portrayed her as too much of a little goody two shoes for her clan, much like gagana, I feel like she'd hold an entitledness to reward after her service, but rather than thru people it's thru her alone time but Kimuli is also weak to denying people of anything, so passing out or dizziness is easy for her She doesn't handle heat very well, actually, spending all of her time in the shrine to avoid being out, going against the stoic struggle of the heated environment

Actually didn't want to get heavily into hate groups just so I could develop onxye nzuzu.. I mean I still could but it might make me sad As of rn, I have some research done for it's internalized homosexuality and some thoughts on male human trafficking and se x work While onzye nzxzus human life wasn't one where it was born male or female, I wanted to make it's gender ambiguity something exploited under the macho system of the philippines thru forced 'cross dressing' and ridiculement in the male s ex work environment alongside this, the lessenedness of pro colonial philippines trans and homosexual culture due to colonization could pertain to its self loathing Ultimately it's philosophy regarding the philippines is one rooted in inferiority complex and self harm, cowardly in the way it refuses to find any aspect of the current culture worth appreciation due to the colonial mentality of the masses and the lack of precolonial beliefs But even then, onzye nzxzu scorns precolonial philippines too for being to

weak for its open-mindedness, a byproduct of its internalized malice and former background As a result, it's motivations are built on a kind of lashing-out helplessness to the 'dissonanced' state of the philippines it believed it is witnessing, and aims to get back at the world for its 'mercilessness' and mother philippines for her 'weakness' in the form of consumption of the weak and strong alike It still makes me confused, it's something I need to explore on my own more thru it's lenses and other research sources

Wait. I could make it's beliefs fairly contradictory, as it's 'helplessness' leads to an unstable identity, much like the philippines, whose culture and state is so shaped by those centuries of colonization people argue it has no identity at all, while others say it is indefinitely its own unique identity outside of all the influence onzye nzxzu would argue it has lost her authenticity but doesn't agree with that same authenticity either because it knows it didn't protect from the assimilation after a belief like that--- what would you hold onto then? So you'd yearn for your home country but you refuse to accept any part of it now and then, you belong nowhere, so you resort to consuming everything so you truly DO belong nowhere

Yes, you stupid bastard, you have your own identity and it is formed around having nothing.

While having consumed everything... You're so ****ing stupid

So a lot of post colonial filipino songs, while pretty catchy aren't what I'm looking for to represent onzye Also noticing how babaylans as a term sounds like babylonian, which is their only correlation and I found that cool because the main guider post celestial realm for onzye is nanna from babylonian mythology Mmm maybe look for songs critiquing the padrino system? It may be easier to look for precolonial songs entirely

squid game season 3 makes me sad, i want to watch bluey and spongebob

gonna write and listen to the typhoon forming tonight, will be leaving ilocos in a day or two, stay safe everyone katalista time settings: precolonial (900-1565) -visayan/ babaylan/ lumad/ subanon/ sama-bajau/ other people to look into, but babaylan may be more fitting for the complex beliefs of genders and high spirituality present in the culture -exploring the conseqences of magellan -> it is said the ra pe of 50 cebuano women (and suspected others) were not mentioned, but if i end up not implementing this, i can just write about the patriarchal views expressed that led to stigmitization of nonconforming gender views and peoples and how it trickles into the internalized homophobia of katalista and its experiences in s ex work -climax point would be katalista's transition towards their diwata form as onxye nzuzu, which i will rationalize as a surge of malevolent spirits of ancestors and anitos/diwatas/aswangs might be a more proper term, but in general, anitos were feared. visayan/babaylan shamans also

perform a kind of spiritual possession that is capable of making them very violent we could also try exploring the writing of spiritual passing by the ancestral anitos themselves, indicating kalista to have roots towards this malice since birth, but considering onzye's hatred towards kimuli, i believe making it so that katalista becomes a covert babaylan, with offerings of its victims blood and viscera, and capturing/consuming the diwata through the spirit possession would offer 'relatability' towards kimuli for her practice as a diviner in bunyoro, creating much more hatred and disdain -so perhaps katalista is not babaylan by birth, i'd have to look into the pre colonial races to find one i prefer

colonial (1565-1898) -climax could be resurgence of precolonial times done by katalista in the same manner explored before, only in a different setting i guess -by this point the se xual abuse of filipinos could be more detailed with more to read about, and katalista could watch the changes in real time, offering that helpless feeling focus: -look into lifestyle of colonial filipinos -look into precolonial races and their lives in the colonial period -the shifting of culture and consequences -more onto the animistic rituals and culture

omay this um acutall makes me more sad, maybe ill fulfill litttle me's dreams, write a fanfiction or something

I CANT EVEN DO THAT WITHOUT... WRITING IT ALL... ANGSTY... lighten up brudda!!!!! lighten up brah!!! wtf!!!! ogee guys deer gonna indulge ezpz MAN WTF

Dude nvm I should have read a book pjhhhhhjmmmGOOD NIGHT

Slowburn between people is sooo good that's why spy x family is my favorite No I have not read any other form of slowburn, shame on me I'd love more slowburn of Eva and Lunge from monster

It's the work of the harlot, never the client

nsfw vent https://ibb.co/hNCL8D0 also sort of maternally related censorship related news, but also distress over a crying baby and wanting to br eastfeed it myself if I could with a lack of commitment after

Mepty, you are the babe mother of my existence but you're also the little one

ok ok ok ok kitty kart 64 1. parking 2. mud karts 3. kitty and nadamaru 4. sheep 5. bunny 6. sheep and choosing 7. cat 8. parking 9. death

I am so scared of puppet combo

I'm gonna try out kinktober, I like the list I chose because it's interpretive and I'm proud of my first drawing Working on the second, third and possibly fourth tomorrow and I'm not expecting to remain consistent

Alright I'm gonna try to find a job, I want to continue with jirai kei now -note: mercari sells good jirai stuff (sustainability does not align with the fast fashion that is jirai kei and second-hand products are overpriced) -I am not going to wear makeup -variety of jirai key clothing please.. stuff with short sleeves to ensure summer is not difficult

Peak

wao ty