ead Sometimes I wish it didn't. Back then I was so good at hiding my emotions.. I tried. To tell my mother that I was depressed... She told me I wasn't depressed unless I cut myself. She said when we got. Home she'd give me one of her wood carving knives and I could cut myself Infront of her. I thought if. I did she'd believe me! That I'd get the help back then.. She called me crazy... Several years later my cousin said we could play a game.. Dare or double dare? I was 7. I loved doing dares. It was a normal game at the start. I took all the dares! I chose double dare. He told me to close my eyes tightly and hold my hands out. I felt something be placed in my hands. I was seven. I was blind... I didn't know what I was getting Into... He guieded my hands along it. I wasn't sure what it was.. when I went to open my eyes to look at it I realized what it was.. I went to go get an adult and he grabbed me and covered my mouth and told. Me. Not to say a word. He took my clothes off he played with my che

He touched me in ways I will never forget. I can still feel his touch. That happened every night I was with him.. when I left that house. I never went back. I was happy I never did.. everyt time I remember I can feel his touch. I can smell him. Still.. it scares me.. I keep scratching the places he touched me until the bleed. I'll pour the alcohol over it and sit as I hold back my scream. And tears from the pain.. My head's spinning with so many thoughts I just want to be happy I want to make people happy... I can't stop shaking I feel sick My head won't stop spinning I don't wanna be here I want to just end it.. I want the courage to take this blade and drag it across my throat. Like my sister says. I deserve to rot in hell! Happiness is something it looks like I'll never have. I'm not supposed to be here. Condom and birth control failed I almost drowned inside. My. Mother I was nearly hit by a car. I nearly got shot What's next? I just hope that what're it is.. It'll finish the damn job

If there is truly a man upstairs. Then I won't wake up Tomorrow.