I stayed up until 3 am maybe hoping one of my irl friends or best friends would've stayed up to say happy birthday, maybe even the friend I did that for, and nobody did - ik its childish but idk why I try so hard and care so much I don't know why I care. when I woke up I felt much better when I saw happy birthdays from people I loved, my irl friends and everything but nothing from that friend that I stayed up for, made an animation for, I waited all day all the way until 3:40 pm. I wondered if they just didn't go to school and slept in but they were at school all day

when I think about it I'm just being a selfish asshole but I can't help how I feel, and I know they probably didn't mean to hurt me but gosh do I feel stupid for trying, maybe I need to try less

and this morning I was talking to one of their online friends, at 3 am they said that friend had been going through a lot and honestly I've been going through a lot but I still want to show up and be there, and it felt so painful to hear that just because they were going through something they couldn't even wish me one happy birthday? they were even talking to their other friends before they even started talking to me

RANDOM ****ING STRANGERS SAID HAPPY BIRTHDAY BEFORE THEM. and it's just pissing me the **** off honestly

but I don't feel like I can be angry