THE SQUIP: Take your hands out of your pockets Arch your back, puff out your chest Add some swagger to your gate or You'll look like a masturbator Fix your posture, then the rest JEREMY: But I AM a masturbator-- THE SQUIP: We'll fix that All your nerdiness is ugly JEREMY: Nerd? I thought I was more of a geek, but-- THE SQUIP: All your stammering's a chore JEREMY: Wh-wh-what? THE SQUIP: Your tics and fidgets are persistent And your charm is non-existent Fix your vibe, then fix some more Buh JEREMY: Wha? THE SQUIP: Buh JEREMY: Wha? THE SQUIP: No JEREMY: Aah! THE SQUIP: Stop Oh, everything about you is so terrible Whoa, everything about you makes me wanna die JEREMY: Jesus Christ... THE SQUIP: So don't freak out And don't resist And have no doubt If I assist You will Be more chill First thing's first, go buy a new shirt JEREMY: What's wrong with my shirt-- THE SQUIP: It's better if you just comply My job's to color your aes

thetic And make you seem much less pathetic Just step and fetch, don't ask me why JEREMY: How are you with math homework? THE SQUIP: I'm a super-computer, Jeremy. I'm made of math. Oh, everything about you is so terrible PEOPLE IN THE MALL: Everything about you sucks! Everything about you sucks! THE SQUIP: Whoa, everything about you makes me wanna die PEOPLE IN THE MALL: Everything about you sucks! Everything about you sucks! THE SQUIP + PEOPLE IN THE MALL: All the people in the mall Think you're such a slob PEOPLE IN THE MALL: You're a slob! Terrible! Such a slob! THE SQUIP: And boy, can I see why! Now you try picking out a shirt. That's a girl's shirt. JEREMY: Sorry... CHLOE: ...Jerry? JEREMY: Jeremy. JEREMY: Oh, yeah all the time-- THE SQUIP: Never. JEREMY: Never. Is what I meant to... THE SQUIP: Greet the beta. JEREMY: Oh. Hey, Brooke. THE SQUIP: "You look sexy." JEREMY: I can't say that to a hot girl!

THE SQUIP: Don't smile. Stare intesnsely. Speak like you don't care about your own death. JEREMY: Lookin' pretty sexy, Brooke. BROOKE: Thanks. CHLOE: Is that a girl's shirt? JEREMY: No. THE SQUIP: "Yes." JEREMY: Yes. THE SQUIP: Repeat after me-- I saw it in the window And I couldn't dismiss JEREMY: I saw in the window And I couldn't dismiss THE SQUIP: I was dating a girl and She had a shirt just like this JEREMY: I was dating a girl and She had a shirt just like this THE SQUIP: It's still painful JEREMY: It's still painful CHLOE: So, who was this mystery girl? JEREMY: Oh, you've probably never heard of her, so-- THE SQUIP: Madeline JEREMY: Madeline CHLOE: What? JEREMY: She's French CHLOE: Ugh! She is NOT French! She just pretends to be for attention! BROOKE: Madeline broke up with you? JEREMY: Yeah... THE SQUIP: No. JEREMY: I mean-- THE SQUIP: I broke up with her JEREMY: I broke up with her THE SQU

THE SQUIP: 'Cause she was Cheating on me JEREMY, overselling it: 'Cause she was Cheating on me!!!!! THE SQUIP: Hey, Hamlet. Be more chill.

*chorus jumps in* bBE MOrE CHiLLLLLLLLL