some different practices
by:
Silver-the-Rabbit 
305
305
07.02.2018
17 comments
Silver-the-Rabbit[OP]
07.02.2018 03:48
Linkthe arm wave is ****ing disgraceful
but the mask drop and the eye moves are ok
Pikachu101
07.02.2018 03:49
LinkI think it's beautiful
Silver-the-Rabbit[OP]
07.02.2018 03:50
Linkmmmthank
because
that mask is how i keep my feelings away from the outside.
too bad.
i honestly dont want attention anymore
"what's wrong?"
they ask
well
i wont tell them
i dont want thier attention
they'll just say "oh you'll be ok" with a ****ing smile and leave
like
nO
iT WONT
Well if I ask what’s wrong it’s because I’m truly worried
So don’t be
“Oh shit gotta bottle up every felling I have for moths at a time”
You don’t want to kill your self
You don’t want to feel this way
And you ESPECIALLY DONT WANT TO GO DOWN THE PATH YOUR GOING
it’s like telling someone you just you got a car and never driving it
The only thing yourhurting is yourself
i know im hurting myself
im preparing
for what? i dont know.
but i cant help it. me hiding my feelings is part of me. i was embarrassed to let out those feelings at school yesterday. i felt unwanted even more because of that. i dont care if my friend dakota has a crush on me. she doesnt need me. im free to say what i want and do what i want with these feelings. im not a ****ing toy. im a human being who can do what they please. and if people can't ****ing accept it then they can just get out. that doesn't include you. i know you probably understand, and i'm sorry i ever talked to you like this. i feel so ****ing mean and that just hurts me more. that leads to more bottled feelings. but i've gotten good at that; keeping my feelings to myself. yesterday i kept having so many mental breakdowns, i was falling apart. which means i need to get stronger, in which doing so means more physical and emotional pain. and i can deal with that. what i cant deal with is when people ask me what's wrong, i tell them
everything and they just smile solemnly and say
oh you'll be ok
LIKE
*****
**** THAT
IM NOT GONNA ****ING BE OK
I WANNA TEAR MY EYES OUT IS THAT ****ING OK TO YOU
Felling that pain doesn’t help you get stronger
There’s no point to get stronger to prevent this type of thing
Life is complicated
And even though you know that
I feel as if
You know what to do but not doing it
It’s better to let it out than control it
And its ok for you to talk like this your expressing yourself in a simple matter and that’s just the start
I JUST
I FEEL LIKE ONE DAY MY BODY TAKES OVER AND I JUMP OFF OF A ****ING BRIDGE OR SOME SHIT
AND IM GONNA BE HONEST
IM SCARED
IM HORRIFIED, EVEN
I DONT WANT ANY OF THIS!
I JUST WANNA GO BACK TO WHEN SIX YEAR OLD ME WAS ALL HAPPY AND SHIT
BUT NOW??
I CANT
I ****ING HATE THIS
EVERYTHING ABOUT THIS
"GOD PLANNED THIS OUT FOR YOU"
HAHA YEAH I HOPE HE DID
HE PLANNED FOR ME TO ****ING KILL MYSELF???
CUZZ IF YOU DONT SHUT THE **** UP BIBLE LADY IMMA TAKE THAT ****ER AND SHOVE IT DOWN YOUR THROAT
I HONESTLY DONT WANT TO LIVE TO FIND OUT WHAT HAPPENS
THE FUTURE IS GONNA ****ING SUCK ANYWAY
BUT I CANT BRING MYSELF TO DIE
AND IM SO ANNOYED AND CONFUSED AND KINDA ANGRY
BECAUSE
I DONT WANT TO GO THERE,
TO HELL
OR HEAVEN
AND WHAT SCARES ME MOST
IS THAT
MY FRIENDS DO CARE
BUT I KEEP THINKING THEY DONT
AND IT JUST...
IT MAKES ME REALLY ****ING DEPRESSED
AND JUST..
CAN'T THINK..
ABOUT IT..
god.. im screaming through text..
im on the verge of tears right
now... im sorry.. i just... need to get it all out. i need to relieve the pain by venting. it's only going to make it worse if i DO keep all of this bottled up.. im sorry...