By my username, you can tell i'm problematic. I endure the things i've been called. Seen by "asshole" "toxic" and my personal favorite. "Attention seeker" But do not be fooled. I won't be all buddy buddy with you. I can see through that fake face. I only upload because i made the mistake of posting a certain post that upped my stats to now, like.. 8 months later?

My anatomy skills do not exist. I think it looks good until i simply draw a line and realize my mistakes. The only thing good about my drawing is that i can color and shade. Animation i do is smooth but i never have motavation and my arms tire out after 2 hours. That is another thing i want to point out.

No one reads these because they might just be here for the amount of homo material, or just ignore me completly. Either is kinda dissapointing but common. I write like this to seem more intellingent than others even though i can not comprehend simple 2 digit division. I find it much more fun to use words that aren't so shallow. Happy is to joy as is sad is to depressed. It's a quite difficult task to write things out under 1 minute.

I don't understand when people ask me if i'm alright after i speak about what's been in my room standing at the foot of the bed staring at my half asleep self spot them and get terrified realizing what it is. I am alright. Just not when the door shuts and i go into a fit of a mix of relief that they didn't do anything but sadness too. I hate those two. But i'm doing fine. Fine as i could.

I'm belting out emotions that i thought i hid away in 2018. But i guess since the whole change in mind during puberty is doing it's thing i suppose i should reveal those feelings more often to get rid of them completely. Those emotions that hurt me when feeling them are love,trust,and fear. So i drown them out and adopt the three negative to be more tougher the next time i do myself a favor and knock down my self esteem for breaking another's heart and saying the words i simply hate "I'm sorry" Those three i feel now are disgust,anger and joy. I'm writing like i'm doing this in a journal. Thing is, i hate writing.

I'm not trying to be deep. I'm trying to cope with my emotions. I've been questioning my self worth for awhile now so now might as well put in the effort to discover what's the things i need to change for people to actually enjoy my presence when i start joking instead of side glancing me and completely becoming a brick. This is where i write everything i feel and if i have any progress in becoming the ideal shell of a person to deserve the things and people i get. Price to pay and i have to pay it pretty soon. (3:37 AM 2019.09.22)