It me, the hypocritical narcissistic bastard. I'm dipping too far into my ego. It's not okay, and I'm doing nothing to stop myself. I keep going even though I know it's wrong. I'm not sure how to stop. I've left reality behind, it's too much, it's safety. I'd rather please myself with self hate and then convince myself I'm right and repeat the cycle over and over again. It's gross. And it feels terrible, but I can't stop. It's too hard to put these feelings into words. I know if I would just leave my room and sit with my family things would get better. I should do that, but I won't. I want to dream and leave this place behind, the waking world is too much. I know why I'm acting like this.