ignore this I just need to
3 comments
Galaxii[OP]
12.10.2019 01:07
Linkhow is it possible to be as much of a ****up as I am. I got my braces yesterday and I already broke a bracket. How could I be that stupid I literally suck. my family just spends the whole time they’re with me complaining about me. I’m not happy enough for them. to pessimistic. my dad has been a total ass lately especially to my mom and I want to speak up to him but I can’t because I’d get scolded and get my stuff taken away for speaking my mind. i keep losing friends and doing dumb things. i cant seem to focus on anything and just getting up from my bed feels like such a hard thing to do most of the time. almost every morning I have several panic attacks and mental struggles because I feel like i can’t go to school. Every day is harder than the last. I feel like some sort of guinea pig the world wants to test on. to use. so many people have hurt me and now I’m scared to get close to people and I’m scared to talk. getting braces has been really bad for my self esteem and my anxiety is at an all t
Galaxii[OP]
12.10.2019 01:14
Linktime high. it’s so hard to keep going. it’s so hard to wake up in the morning and still be alive knowing that the days just get worse and worse. it’s not like I’ll be rewarded in the end. it’s not like someone is going to pat me on the back for being sad. and that’s one of the things that hurts so much. im sad for no reason and it really feels like it won’t get better. it really feels like I’ll just keep ****ing up and making dumb mistakes and losing friends and doing bad in school. I skip class and I don’t do my homework. every part of my body feels hurt. and my family gets mad at me for being upset. they say they’ll punish me if my attitude isn’t better. but theyve already punished me in the worst way. I’m at the lowest point in my life right now and I just want to go back to New York but I never can. I cant go back in time. I try to replace my loneliness with feelings. i romanticize any conversation I have with someone because it makes me feel like there’s a way
Galaxii[OP]
12.10.2019 01:19
Linksomeone will love me and make me feel better about myself but no one will ever feel that towards me. I replace any emotion I have to someone with love. even hatred. every person I meet I try to convince myself that I have a chance with them. and it ****ing sucks because nobody will ever love me back. im annoying and ugly and stupid and depressed and honestly who could love anything about me when I hate all of it. how could anyone love me if I hate myself more than anyone else on the planet. I want my old life back. I want my happiness back. I want my old house and old school and old face and I want everything to be back to the way it was because I was so much happier and I never had thoughts like I do now. I’ve never been so suicidal. I really need help but I don’t want to be a burden to anyone so I just stay quiet. cut my legs with anything I can find and then cover them up. I just want to go back man.