so we went out on a road trip, and we went to this place called Magnolia. there were clouds in the sky, but its been months since i've experienced 90 degree weather...so i was baking out there...but then.. we went insiDE. Magnolia is like Chuck-E-Cheese, but instead of kids and tickets, its basic white women and the next best deal..so like, apprently some people from HGTV or sumthin own it? chip and joanne ig..but hear me out, it was AWFUl. the moment you walk in the smell of scented candles hits you like a truck. that and the stench of hot bodies and cologne permeate the air, and it has a constant faint smell of popcorn, though no matter where you look, there is none..

there are 3 types of dudes there, 1: the tag-a-longs, they come cuz they girl want them to come. they got no choice. 2:the athletic hipsters, dressed for summer and act like they wanna be here but they smile like those really bad walmart action figures;fake. 3:the ruggeds, they REALLY HONESTLY look like if every duck dynasty member had no beard and was served at a barbecue convention. the only thing they look prominent in is backyard wrestling tournaments

so enough about that, lemme tell you my interpretation of this place..the prices? god awful. this is the kind of place that inspired the old walmart low prices ads to get popular in 2012. i picked up a wooden cutting board? 60. dollars. a spoon smaller than my baby hand pinky finger? 5....DOLLARS.. if this place had a black friday event there would be blood. the only color you would see would be deep shades of pink and red, that being skin color and the poorly painted nails all rushing to get a decoration that says "live, laugh, love"

while i was there, under the heavy intoxication of candles and vanilla, i swear, my hair started turning blonde....i could see my nose growing to a 90 degree angle that would make a blacksmith jelly. my pants felt shorter, and when i looked down, BOOTY SHORTS.. but then i walked next to the MENS SECTION.. i switched back to normal for a second, ONLY TO FIND myself having calluses all over my hands and feet, a thick, raw beard, and a locked chin. the only emotion i had could only be described as "hurng"

besides my crisis, i noticed something else. anyone with brown hair made it up with "quirky" outfits, and possibly purple dyes. i bet, anyone in that store longer than 4 hours doesnt leave. they don't leave until the trinket worth 10 dollars in any other store goes down to 60 dollars here. it was frightening really. the only noise besides clacking nails and loud moms, was the catchy background music that doesnt have a name and was never on the radio. i found myself tapping my foot to it for a minute.. i no longer have that foot ok thats all

YOOOOO YUP