I feel bad

genuinely I wonder how big of an effect me just suddenly disappearing would have. I have 2 close friends that would be the most distressed. I could care less how my family feels, iId be happy to find out they were heartbroken over it, Id be happy to upset them that much. I wonder how my just vague school friends would feel. the people I only see at school. I genuinely wonder how they would feel. I dont think I could just leave sadly

honestly I dont think my internet presence would be affected much lol

I really wonder what the after life is like. thats the only reason I haven't offed myself yet. I have no idea what it might be but the fear of hell has been drilled into me so ****ing much I cant. but h9nestly the fear of stopping existing entirely affects me more. in hell Im still there. Im still a being. but if we really just stop after death, I dont think I could do that. I know I would be able to tell cause I would just cease to be but, I dont want to just stop. I just dont want to be here

I want to stop being here, not stop being. I want to exist in a different time a different place everything about this life is just screwing me over

I feel so ****ibg awful right now I feel so sick I cant ****ing stand myself right now I really just cant my chest feels like its going to explode and xollapse in on itself at the same time it feels so heavy it feels like its full of dense clouds I feel like Im gonna die

even during my worst breakdowns I have no idea how to express myself and resort to comedy I have no idea whats wrong with me I just want a hug so bad right now I wish i was with my friend I dont want to be alone right now

I dont want to throw all my shit onto her I just want a hug all I want is a hug right now my throat hurts so much

I shouldve just went to sleep earlier