If anyone doesn't know I've thought about this before, so it's not just a complete straightforward descision

Im trying to not eat much. My friends respect my decision, but my gf doesn't know. So far, I've been felling pretty hungry today. Mainly because I didn't have a lot of time in lunch. But yes, I feel glad, that i was hungry. I used to crave food a ton, and now I dont want to. I wanna become skinnier, but not to the point where every bone in my body is showing. I honestly HATE the way I am rn. My weight is avg. My size is avg. Everything about me is avg (except for my social life nooo that is awkward). I'm sick and tired of being average. I dont want to be that. I wanna be more than average. Ugh... I'm depressed and anxious, and tired, and hungry, but I'm honestly fine... no. No I'm not.