i know that it can feel like a lot sometimes, but please, i beg you, just hold on a bit longer. it doesn't seem like it now but you will get better and you can find recovery. reach out to someone close to you, someone who really knows your situation and respects you as a person. if you can't do that, please talk to someone on a crisis line. suicide line is: 1-800-273-8255 online chat place is: https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/chat/ or (my personal favorite) the trevor project: https://www.thetrevorproject.org/ i know that these words might mean nothing to you, but hopefully someone finds this helpful.