Why I havent been animating.
3 comments
iNSaNiTY[OP]
10.05.2018 09:17
LinkHey. So, I know that I don't have many followers but, I like to imagine that some of you like my animations.
Well, this is a kind of vent so... If you're sensitive to that kinda stuff, just leave.
Well, recently I've been having really, really, really bad thoughts about myself [and my animations], saying "I'm not good enough. No one likes my animations, they wouldn't care if I had just stopped." and other self-loathing. Calling myself 'worthless, useless, a spaz, retard, etc.'
I've had this happen before but recently, it's gotten worse. I can't stand to be alone at night. I have to call my LDB (long distance boyfriend) to actually get some sleep at night; and, he knows that I hate being alone at night. It's when the thoughts get really bad. It's like I sink to the bottom of the Mariana Trench and can't get the power to get myself back to the top, not caring with whether I drown or just stay like this forever; living with it.
I haven't had ideas for animations recently, I've been trying to (continued b
iNSaNiTY[OP]
10.05.2018 09:23
Linkelow) find some but I guess I just lost that spark. Lost in the fireplace never to be found again.
Plus, I've gotten a new style of drawing animals that don't work on here. I've started to just draw instead of animating. I just think that no one likes my animations and wouldn't care if I had stopped. I mean, no one has asked why I've stopped uploading so much so, why would anyone care now? I recently just drowned in my thoughts, telling myself to just hide away from the world, put on the mask again. Don't let them know you're down. Feeling like I've lost all hope and can't get back up to the top of that Mariana Trench. I've been clinging onto Jay (my LDB) to save my life and, he has. More than I can count. He's the only reason on why I'm alive (he knows.) and he won't let me go. I'm sick of having to vent to him every day, I just feel like a burden to him. He knows when I'm upset, he's noticed now. (7+ months of knowing him. Almost 5 months of dating) I go silent, staring off into the distance and yeah...
iNSaNiTY[OP]
10.05.2018 09:28
LinkIf I go outside, I might just fall apart without that mask. Whenever I meet someone, I feel like I just let them down but, they don't even see behind the mask so, why would I be worried about letting them down? Probably because I let one of my 'friends' down by taking off that mask, they told me I was a disappointment to my parents, useless, etc. That 'friend' was me. I tell myself no one cares, no one would care if I had died. Things like that.
I haven't been able to animate because of these thoughts. My mind is blurry, I can't think straight, every idea I get, I just blow it off, saying it's retarded.
And now you know.
Thanks for reading...