How dare you take advantage of my kind heart? 😇😇😇😇 lmao no no I’m the manipulative obsessive one yes yes I am I am most definitely my bad my bad I don’t deserve friends right? I deserve this? I deserve to think about suicide daily? I deserve to slit my wrist till it hurts to use? I deserve to be all alone all day right? All alone struggling so desperately to find a reason to live? I’ve decided to go ahead and block the people I don’t want to interact with any more, no matter how much I explain that they’ve wronged me, it’ll be pinned on me and nothing I say will ever get through

Screw me for being kind, screw me for thinking about your feelings when you’ve never not ONCE thought about mine. Screw me screw me screw me screw me for doing things you like for your satisfaction screw me for minding how you might’ve reacted screw me for getting pissy when you don’t even TRY to let me speak, let me explain, let me talk Maybe I am selfish, maybe I am a horrible person But what does that make you for making me feel like this? I have very few relationships left, very. Very few. There’s only one person in this world who I believe ACTUALLY cares for me and they’re barely online anymore Screw me for trying to make more friends yah? Screw me for believing they’d stay this time

I knew it all along I knew it I knew it I knew it I knew it I wasn’t even lying, I asked you once before I told you once before and you did NOTHING NOTHING CHANGED. nothing. NO ONE. is worth that amount of effort to make happy Why do I need to take care of you and do what you want to make you happy when I rarely ever get the same treatment? WHY? NO ONE IN THIS WORLD IS WORTH THAT MUCH PAIN IM SO TIRED OF GIVING MYSELF TO PEOPLE WHO DONT CARE FOR ME. all of my practice all of my skill I KNOW. I know. I’m good at what I do. I know it deserves so so so much more. My work my art. Everything I do deserves ATTENTION. and I’m. Stuck. With what I have, I refuse to be happy with that. It’s like I’m a puzzle piece in a puzzle that was cut the wrong way. I don’t fit in, no matter where I try to force myself in I’m like a ****ing parasite. I don’t even have a real personality I’ve never liked anything beyond the surface I’ve never been interested in much anything I just try to fit in to share what I have

I’m so tired of being talked over don’t you understand? I just want to cut out the love i feel for the people who clearly don’t care for me But you know it’s fine Keep using me It’s fine I don’t care that much right? You’ll just keep using me and I’ll never say anything about it because you’re all I have left!! Who cares if I’m cutting all night waiting for MAYBE you to say something. I expect too much out of people. I think most people are incapable of caring for others anyway. Selfish hypocrites There’s no way There’s just no way everyone I’ve met could be that horrible There’s just no way that that’s been the hand I’ve been dealt There’s just no way that I’m not the bad person that everyone says I’m not Why would people treat me this way if not? Why would they betray me if not? What did I do? I don’t I didn’t I didn’t ask for this

I just want to die Apparently people like me don’t deserve a place in this world!!! Ahahahah I was just a little girl I didn’t ask for my own brother to touch me like that, or my own mom to treat me like I was some demon, or her boyfriend to touch me like that or the boy I met in middle school to touch me like that or my own best friend to treat me like that or my own family to treat me like this I never I never wanted this I just wanted to make a friend after that I came back to flipanim a little bit before I told anyone about it. And when I did. Everything changed I can never go back I can never ever go back

I get so jealous People get talked to even after they have similar breakdowns like me But for the past few months I vent and no one ever asks I know no one cares that much But god I’m alive. I’m alive I’m alive I’m alive. In February I took handful of pills and survived I was sick for days but I survived and I don’t understand Why did I call them? I wanted to live so badly Why do I wanna live so badly No one cares enough right No one ever comes to comfort me when I’m sad but I’m always expected to do the same for others or I’ll be labeled as an asshole? You don’t even NOTICE if I comfort you You don’t even notice that I’ll memorize the tiny things you like You don’t even notice how much I’m willing to do to make you happy You I’d give anything to get that from even one person As consistent as I am Does that mean everyone has given up on me Is everyone waiting for me to finally do it?

I thought maybe I really Really hoped Someone would stay for me That we’d be able to get through it together I know people can’t stay with me every day I know people get busy I know..please I’m not asking for much

I thought I could be saved But now I have to wait for every day to end with no change Hoping desperately something changes Something WILL change. I WILL. keep going, it’s so agonizing to do it alone my body is going to be torn to shreds from the pain but I don’t want to give up Not until the day I can say I’m happy

I won’t stop No matter how painful the cuts get I won’t stop until I can say I’m happy every day I won’t stop looking for it I won’t stop I can’t I don’t have the luxury to do so My art It WILL get somewhere I can’t give up I can’t afford to give up I can’t