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2 comments
Kai-furry[OP]
03.10.2021 08:44
LinkVenting
Pain
It seems I cannot do anything right, it makes me wanna fight.
I feel mediocre and pathetic,suddenly I feel poetic.
I do not understand my own limits, can't even count my minutes.
What am I doing wrong? All my motivation is nearly gone.
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I go to make art, and all I feel is a steak-knife in my heart.
I feel hopeless, I just do not understand.
I sit at my desk, face at the screen. I just want to ****ing scream!
My talent is gone, I feel like I am having symptoms of withdrawal.
I pick up a pencil, and I **** it up. Nothing I make is worth my time.
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People look up to me because of my art, but what do they do when they realize the artist is torn?
"I wonder why they never show there face." I JUST WISH I HAD SOME SPACE.
I feel the eyes looking up to me, and I can't even look them in the eye.
I don't want people to know the real me, I don't want them to see my past.
The guilt, the overwhelming guilt. Is like spiders on my back, crawling farther each time I make a white lie.
Kai-furry[OP]
03.10.2021 08:45
LinkI am crawling up the stairs, unable to stand. With a chain strapped to my ankle, that is the same weight as my insecurities and shame.
It hurts to move, it hurts to breathe. Why can't I just be a normal human being?
"You are doing fine!" I have to decline, I am rarely fine.
My brain is a hazard, always pushing negative thoughts.
I just wish I had some space. I just want it to all go away.
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I want to be successful, but at what cost? I really need to get my shit together.
Paragraphs written at 4:40AM Sunday October 3rd 2021