guys dont read this:) i just wanna write this bc, idk maybe somehow it will help me or someone will help me? i think about hurting myself or dying everyday, i have scenarios about something bad happening to me or someone i care for bc maybe if it actually happens ill have a reason for the way u feel, and that actually did happen but since everyone already went through my first cousins death it was easier for them? like my mom was depressed, but now his death and it makes me feel rly sad, or maybe im just making it feel like thats the reason im sad? idk anything abt myself anymore! why do i need a reason to be sad? idk maybe its the way my parents treat me that im fine and my life isn’t that bad, but maybe it is bad in my own way yea im not in a wheelchair or im not missing a arm but i cant still be sad abt how my life is

ohh myyuy goodod i hate my family but i have to love them everyone in my family always has to point out something about me, when i was 7-9? yrs old i didn’t like showing& didnt brush my hair well so my parents would always say “you look homeless” “you need to brudh your hair your not a homeless person” do them i started brushing my hair alot and now im insecure abt it!! i sm brushing my hair less bc i would brush it too much and my family made me insecure abt other things too they always have to point something out a bunch of times till i start to think it’s noticeable to everyone too

i hate my life, but i dont hate living i just hate living with my family i dont want to die i want to get away from them, it would be so much better for me getting away from ppl that dont care abt what i have to say, ppl that say they care abt me but dont show it, ppl that made me insecure abt so many things im probably gonna move out as soon as i can if i make it that far

ok bye i need to shut up

thanks <3