i want to be cis so bad it actually makes me suicidal like i yearn for it more than i want to live i actually cant take it anymore

i want to be cis so bad but i force fem myswlf anyways for no reason i dont even mean to. i have kindness in my eyes and it only ****s me over im so done i hate cis men i hate that they get everything ive ever wanted and use it just to be sexist racist assholes actually die right now it isnt fair

its not fair

i was supposed to climb trees and play soccer and break my bones and smoke weed with my piece of shit friends but instead i get this bullshit where im staring at a stupid ****ing show staring 9 year old assholes and wishing it were me this is so stupid and unfair

and even if i get on t and get top surgery and get bottom surgery ill never get to live as a teenage boy and that genuinely makes me want to give up what is even the point. i dont care if theres still time i dont care if u can still find love or whatever no matter how old u are. ill never get to experience school as a boy ill never get to experience a boy's childhood ill never get to experience any of it

seeing people who got on puberty blockers before puberty and t during it actually make me so unbelievably jealous. they dont even need top surgery. **** all of you

i dont care goodnight

oh my gosh i disnt know anyone was still online

u can ignore this i just gotta rant ok ok