Dad, stepmom? You both are better than my bio mom, I know and I appreciate that. But you guys seem to love shoving high ass standards up my ass and yall cant even give me a break. The puppy shits inside one time this whole three weeks, and somehow Im being negligent? I undid a month of training in one day? Im an irresponsible narcissist that only cares about myself? Excuse me, what? :D Im sorry for taking him out for 20 minutes instead of an hour because I had to get ready for volunteering that YOU signed me up for. But IG I was just lazy and irresponsible. Im sorry that I cant apologize when you look pissed. I want you guys to actually take it seriously when yall are in a peaceful state of mind. Not just clap back and thing im only apologizing to get yall off my ass. Apparently being bad at expressing my emotions is me being ungrateful and not acknowledging how much people suffer because of me. Sorry dad, but unlike you, I didnt get the luxury of growing up with a main parent who wasnt ab

-usive and let you grow normally without trauma or mental illness. You can get social cues but guess what! Understanding social cues is not biologically wired into the human brain and I have to learn. Why do I not know them already? Well gee, I dunno, maybe Ive spent my entire childhood alone only interacting with toxic people and adapting my responses to try and keep things peaceful in a harsh social environment and now apply those skills to everything and everyone? So now yall are gonna take away the dog because it did a puppy thing? Sorry to break it to you, but animals shit and piss, and when they're young there will be accidents. They will be stubborn about going here we want them to. But actually no, Im just irresponsible ungrateful and I will end up screwing my life up to the point of having my family disown me like that one cousin thats an actual asshole to everyone. Guess what? I dont even care anymore. In the end, we'll all be dead and I wont have to deal with shat anymore. Im sorry b

-ut Ive lost all my fuc.ks to give a LONG time ago. I dont care about my life and Ill keep making reckless decisions so hopefully itll end sooner. If yall disown me, at least in the future I wont feel guilty about finally ending it all. Yall wont care then. Yeah, Im treated better in this home, but the depression is worse here because I actually care about what you think of me. I actually love you guys, unlike my mom. But now I see that Im just too much too handle to be loved. In the end, all I really want is a fully day of just being hugged. I want someone, anyone at this point to tell me: "Hey. Its alright to be messed up. Its ok to make mistakes and live life at your own pace. You dont have to stoop down to anyone elses expectations, just do what makes you happy, as long as you dont harm anyone else. Something bad happens, just shrug it off and keep moving, dont even give a shit about the consequences. I still love ou and youre something that I wont ever leave behind, no matter how hard you screw

-up. We're all human and bound to make mistakes, but Ill be there with you for all of them. Its ok to want to do nothing but cry all day, its good to get it out, and Ill be there if you want. Im just glad you exist and came into my life." But IG thats too much to ask for. Anyways other shit that happened today~ I got hit on by a 30-40 year old man and feel gross, like he legit asked for my number and said that he wanted to have a beer with me, like BRO~ IM 15! STOP STARING AT MY TITS I DONT EVEN WANT TO BE ALIVE YOU CUNTY OLD DIPSHIT- Oh yeah and Im on my wEeK so all the bad emotions im having are intensified and im twice as horny as usual so that sucks.

i need a hug. i want someone to wrap their arms around me from behind, put them under my chest, burrow their face into my neck and just lay there with me for 6 hours. I want to feel human warmth. I want to feel comfort. I want to feel valued. I want to be seen as someone. I want to not be out down over minute things. I want to not be judged for my brain and its functions. I want to feel valid. I want to feel happy. I want to feel at peace. I want to feel stable. I want to feel alive. I want to feel young. I just want to feel loved.

can anyone comment? i dont care if it's just "same lol", i just want to feel less alone

"you're burning bridges" "take your tutoring seriously" hahaha, thanks. i obviously need two tutors a week on the last week of school. i swear, im just trying to live my life and somehow that manages to make people upset. my grades must be horrible to need two tutors, oh wait I have a 89.59%. Welp, I guess ill never get a higher education my grades are so shitty. i love going through my entire existence hoping to be hit by a fuc.king truck. i just cant seem to get a break from anything. im tired of being praised for how resilient I am, Im tired of being strong and trying. I want to be supported for a change. I want softness, and calm, not being praised for the beatings and hardships I have.

for the love of god, someone please comment instead of just liking and moving on. tell me that im a shitty person, idc just make me feel less alone.

thanks again mate, just waiting for the acceptance.

It's ok, I dont expect people to be on top of my issues. ily <3 gn, sleep well *lmfao coming from me at 2 am*